Deep Thoughts

There is so much going on in my mind right now. I don't know where to begin. Oy! I hate when this happens. I don't have writer's block - I just can't keep up with the thoughts running through this head of mine! It'll probably take me all day to write this. Between interruptions (I love my kids) and my own distraction, it's inevitable. Plus, I gotta pay the bills today. We also need to go to Sam's Club today. DH is going to be gone to Texas for 30 days for work, so I want to stock up on stuff like diapers, TP, etc. He doesn't know this yet, but I'm sure he'll understand when I talk to him about it. More on the Texas stuff later, as I don't feel like talking about that yet.

Or do I? OK. That's the easy topic, so here it goes. DH works for the Army Corps of Engineers, and has the opportunity to deploy for 30 days to help with hurricane recovery efforts in Texas. He's done this twice before - after Hurricane Katrina in LA. The good thing is it's a TON of extra money, and we REALLY need that right now. He said it looks like it'll be 11-hour days with one day off every other week, plus there are two holidays in November for which he'll get holiday pay. Not to mention working over the weekends. This is the first time he'll be gone with me NOT being pregnant! LOL The first time he was gone about three months before Grant was born. The second time he was gone about five months before Natalie was born. But, this is the first time I'm not working. It'll be me and the kids, 24/7. Thank God for school, b/c without it Abby might end up dead (more on that later). But, that means I'll have to drop her off and pick her up - every day. That'll be a HUGE disruption to our usual routine, and will necessitate an entirely new routine. But, I know we'll be fine. It'll be hard - especially since I won't have work as time away - but I know we'll be OK. God wouldn't have given me all three kids if I couldn't handle them. Plus, I think this was somewhat of a Divine appointment. Thursday, I had told DH that if he had an opportunity to go on a 30-day deployment, I'm behind him. He had been thinking of doing one, too. Yesterday he got notification that they're looking for someone. Now he's just waiting for his tasker and travel orders. I pray it comes soon, b/c I want him back for my birthday - December 12! I'm not sure what we'll do about Thanksgiving, but we'll figure it out.

Now the tricky part begins. It all started when I checked out my page on MySpace yesterday. I only get there once every month or two, and yesterday was my first time in quite a while. There was a ton of stuff on there, and getting caught up was a time-consuming venture. I knew that going into it, though. But, when I get to the blog updates, well, the one right on top says "P broke up with me" and is posted by my sister. About a year ago, my sister moved 800+ miles to be with him, and he out of the blue breaks up with her. He basically told her that he woke up one day and didn't love her anymore. Right. Asshole. Oh, yeah, and about a month ago she renewed her lease for another year, which makes it that much harder for her to come home. She's all but said that's what she wants to do. :-( My other sister and I were talking about this last night, and we are going to try to help her find a way home. Her job is another consideration, but I have no doubt that she'd be able to transfer back to her previous location without a problem. For starters, they loved her there. Plus, I've been told they're losing half their employees to a new store that's opening up. So, I think she'd have no problem on the job front. She'd likely move back in with our parents, which means she wouldn't have to pay rent or utilities. So, if worse came to worst, she could live there while paying her lease where she's at now. But that might work in her favor - I'm sure her landlord doesn't want her apartment vacant for almost a year. So, perhaps things can be worked out in her favor. I hope so. I know she needs to be home now - I can tell. When I read her blog and talk to her, I can sense it. My poor sweet sister! :-(

The only bright side to this is that it appears to be working to bring my other sister and me closer than we've been in quite some time. She and I were up late IM'ing last night, and got to talk about all sorts of things. We discussed our other sister's situation and are planning to light a fire under her ass to get her to come home. After talking about that, we discussed other things that I'm glad we did. Very personal, very old things. Family stuff, which I'm not going to share here. Probably not ever. Stuff that personal stays on Vox, where I have full control over who gets to read it. Anyway, that talking was good for us. We've not done any really substantial talk in so long. We needed that. I feel much better about our relationship now.

The flip side, though, is that it made me wonder. Without going into too much detail, I will share some of my thoughts. We discussed family stuff, which I mentioned previously. Part of what we talked about was how neither of us remembers much of our childhood at all. It's like we've got amnesia or something. We were talking about what we did remember, and I'm now wondering if things were much worse than I remember. Did I block it all out? Do I need therapy? Do I want to dig all of this up? I really don't know. To some extent it bothers me not knowing about my childhood. You know those questions people sometimes ask, like "what's your first memory?" or "what's your favorite childhood memory" or pretty much anything along those lines. Am I more fucked up than I'd ever even considered? It could explain a lot ... but, again, do I even want to go there? Maybe it's better not knowing. I guess I have a lot to consider. It won't be now, as I'll be busy enough during DH's absence for the time being. Plus, we also have to look into the financial side. Will insurance cover this? If so, how much? Do we need a referral? If not, can we even afford it? I really hate that the financial picture has to limit this. If I need therapy, I should be able to get it. But whatever. I guess for now I'll just keep on with my considerations. There's a lot to think about and a lot to consider. I suppose I should do so on my knees, too. Pray for wisdom, discernment, etc.

So, in my ponderings, I have many things I wonder. Is healing possible if you don't even know what the injury is? I'm sure superficial healing can happen, but can true - complete - healing happen when there's no idea what's the cause of any pain? I just don't know. So, I guess I'll be in prayer about this. I really can see no other way to go about this. I'm just grateful that I have the Lord to help me discern the right way to approach this.

I am running out of things to say, so I'll just stop here. I'll likely post more about this down the road. If you read it all, thanks for reading! :-)

Oh, come on!

Oh for fuck's sake! Also from the Chicago Tribune:

Hillary Clinton's campaign is denying a report that the senator from New York is ready to concede the presidential nomination to Barack Obama tonight.

Clinton will concede that Obama, the junior senator from Illinois, has the delegates needed to secure the Democratic Party's 2008 presidential nomination, two campaign officials are telling the Associated Press anonymously.

The Clinton campaign, publicly, is denying the report.

"The former first lady will stop short of formally suspending or ending her race in her speech in New York City'' tonight, the AP's Beth Fouhy reports. "She will pledge to continue to speak out on issues like health care. But for all intents and purposes, two senior officials said, the campaign is over.''

Most campaign staff will be let go and will be paid through June 15, according to the officials who spoke to the AP on condition of anonymity.

The Clinton campaign is disputing the report about her intentions.

Terry McAuliffe, the Clinton campaign chairman, interviewed on CNN today, called the report "100 percent incorrect.''

But he did say publicly on NBC's Today show this morning that once Obama has the number of delegates needed for the nomination Clinton will indeed congratulate him and "call him the nominee.''

So perhaps the operative term here is tonight -- or manana?

Seriously? GIVE IT UP, GIRL! This is ridiculous. As much as I fear what Obama winning could mean for Illinois, I would rather have that happen then see Billary back in the White House! I mean, talk about a dynasty! Here people (mostly Dems) have bitched and moaned about the Bush Dynasty - at least GW was never in the White House before being elected! How exactly would it work to have a FORMER PRESIDENT as the first man? (Can't call Bill a gentleman, can I?) As if he could be there and not have any sway on his wife's decision. I'm not an idiot - hopefully most Americans aren't, either!

It's about damn time!

From the Chicago Tribune:

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York will concede tonight that Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois has the delegates needed to secure the Democratic Party's 2008 presidential nomination, campaign officials are telling the Associated Press.

"The former first lady will stop short of formally suspending or ending her race in her speech in New York City'' tonight, the AP's Beth Fouhy reports. "She will pledge to continue to speak out on issues like health care. But for all intents and purposes, two senior officials said, the campaign is over.''

Most campaign staff will be let go and will be paid through June 15, according to the officials who spoke to the AP on condition of anonymity.

Terry McAuliffe, the campaign chairman, interviewed on CNN today, called the report "100 percent incorrect.'' But he did say publicly on NBC's Today show this morning that once Obama has the number of delegates needed for the nomination Clinton will indeed congratulate him and "call him the nominee.''

And people made fun of Huckabee! LMAO

As much as I hate Hillary, this is a scary, scary thing for Illinois. If Obama wins, we will need to replace a Senator. And, according to the state's constitution, there is no election. Our governor gets to pick - and there's no stipulations (from what I've read) about WHO he can choose. Rod Blagojevich is a complete ass and should so NOT be in office. It scares me to think who he might appoint.