Blog Journal: Day 8

Today's question: What does romance mean to me?

My answer: I honestly don't know. I haven't given it much thought, really. So, let's see what Webster says ...

1 : to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery
2 : to carry on a love affair with

There are lots of others totally unrelated to anything I associate with romance, so this is it, I guess.

The first one, well, I think that's the courting/engagement phase. It all but disappears once a couple settles into marriage. At least, that's how the story goes. And, honestly, that's how things have played out. He does occasional grand gestures, but generally they're a thing of the past. Now, honestly, I'd like a bit of the gifts – that's my love language ...

Anyway, the second is definitely true. It can encompass the first, but it's not dependent on the first. It's the things we do every day that show each other that we love each other. It's him making me chai on the weekends, trying to replicate how they make the chai tea lattes at Starbucks or Panera. It's me making sure there's a cold beer waiting in the fridge for him at the end of the day. It's him cleaning up after me when I was SUPER sick, never griping, never giving me crap about it, and to this day being graceful about it. It's me putting a towel in the dryer for a few minutes so he's got a warm towel when he steps out of the shower on a cold day. It's him leaving extra cash for me to find when he goes out of town for work. It's me leaving a lamp on in our bedroom when I go to bed so he doesn't have to come to bed in the dark.

It's all of those things, and so much more. I am very blessed that God gave Mr. Ham to me. I couldn't imagine my life without him.

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Head on over to Toddler Awesome if you wanna play along and/or read others' blog journals. Tomorrow we share our wedding pictures and/or stories (or your dream wedding if you're single).

Best Marriage Advice

I remember early in my marriage (within the first year) cringing when I watched my husband load (or unload – can't remember which) the dishwasher. At one point, I had an epiphany. The thought came to me, "if I want him to help, I can't be picking at HOW he does things." I don't doubt in my mind that was a Divine revelation of sorts!

I will be honest, God has blessed me with a wonderful husband. He's a caring, responsible, fun man. As a father, he's amazing, and he's domesticated, too! ;-) Yes, my friends, my wonderful hubby cooks, cleans, changes diapers, etc. He does it all – we BOTH do it all. (Well, I don't cook if I can avoid it, but that's beside the point.)

While I'll admit that some of how I got here was luck of the draw – and/or Divine leading, I think there's more to it. I think that while who we end up with is important, I think our attitudes and actions can make a huge difference.

You wanna know what I think is the best marriage advice ever? It's simple: don't micromanage. You know what I mean – don't insist he do everything YOUR way. He's NOT YOU, and he doesn't work the same way as you. Allow him to do things HIS WAY. If you can't stand it, LEAVE the room. Don't say anything. Just go. Seriously.

Think about it. How would you feel if you were trying to help someone out with something and they were too concerned about HOW you were doing it to be grateful that you're doing it in the first place? Be honest. You KNOW you wouldn't like it. And, it seems to me, it would DISCOURAGE you from helping out like that in the future. Don't you think our husbands feel the same way?

When your husband helps out around the house, don't pick at how he does it. Don't pick at what he does wrong. Don't give him ANY idea how much it "hurts" to watch him do it "wrong" – just thank him. Smile when you thank him, and make sure he knows you truly are grateful.

This also applies to when he's caring for the kids. Men are wired differently, and chances are he won't do things the same way you would. There's nothing wrong with how he's doing things, so long as no one gets hurt – well, at least none of the kids. ;-) Be grateful, make sure he knows you're grateful, and count your lucky stars!

So, I challenge you. The next time your husband helps out, BE POSITIVE. NO NEGATIVITY ALLOWED! After that, keep it up! Enough positive feedback from you, and I bet you'll find him more willing – or at least less reluctant – to help out!

I'm Not Procrastinating - I Swear!

There are so many things I need to do - for myself - that just don't get done. It took me months to make a dentist appointment, and eye-doctor appointment, among other things. I'd been wanting to do it for months, but just didn't. And it wasn't for lack of wanting to. It's because sometimes I want to make an appointment and not have to bring the kids - especially for things like a lady's annual exam. The kids should not have to witness that! Yes, I could conceivably make an appointment for the eye doctor and most of my other appointments and take the kids. But, half the time, half of what I wanted to talk about gets forgotten because I have to keep the kids from destroying the room! There are a few appointments to which I refuse to take my children:

• The aforementioned pap. Need I say more?
• The chiropractor. It's kinda hard to keep them under control while someone's manipulating your spine!
• Hair appointments. There's no way to keep them occupied - especially not when I'm getting highlighting done. It's not fair to anyone.
• Massages and other spa-type things. How relaxing can it be with the kids around?

I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that come to mind. I take my kids to see my PCP, because there's no pap-like stuff going on. I take them to the dentist, as they actually are able to help occupy them. I took them to my allergist appointment, where there (thankfully) were age-appropriate toys. There are very few things I do - or places I go - that don't occur without the children. Ask any stay-at-home mom, and you'll likely hear something similar.

So, where is this coming from? Well, the biggest problem I have is scheduling. My husband's schedule is one that is not friendly to me. Any appointments I have to make more than a couple of weeks in advance almost always need to be rescheduled because of some conflict with his work. It's because of this .. uncertainty ... that I take months to actually make most appointments. When things finally get to where I can't put it off anymore, I schedule. Prime examples:

• I finally saw the eye doctor when I ran out of contact lenses.
• Tooth pain has led to my scheduling a dentist appointment.
• Needing a prescription refill led to my scheduling my annual.

That last - the dreaded annual - has been problematic. Because I waited too long to schedule, I had to wait two extra months for an appointment - which meant it was scheduled for April. But, my husband was gone for the month of April - because of work - so I had to reschedule. That meant another two months to wait. My appointment is within the next week or so, and suddenly my husband has a problem. How dare I schedule it for a Monday, when he has work stuff. Firstly, I told him back in April when it was scheduled for. Why didn't he say something then? I mean, really? I would've been annoyed, but much less so than I am now. Heck, now, I'm pissed. I will not bring these kids to my pap. No way in hell. He suggested I ask the neighbor to look after our kids - um, no. I don't want to do that to her. Her kid is going to summer school, so it's not like they'd have her to play with. I don't have much of a support system here, so I really have no one I can ask for help. This means I likely will have to wait another TWO months for my annual. At this point, I just want to get it over and done with!

Friend Makin' Monday

It's that time again! While I've fallen behind on almost all other aspects of my goals with my blog, I have managed to remember Friend Makin' Monday! That's just how much I enjoy it, I guess! LOL Kasey over at All That Is Good made the theme for this the five senses. List five things for each of the five senses - for you love, and one you don't. So, here are mine:

Sight
Love:
1. My husband. He's a hottie, if I don't say so myself! ;-) (The fact that we haven't seen each other since April 2 probably has nothing to do with this being the first thing to come to mind! LOL)
2. Beautiful sunsets.
3. My kids' smiling faces.
4. Purple. In case you couldn't tell, it's my favorite color!
Don't:
1. Snakes. I'm pretty sure it's a bona fide phobia. I can't even handle things that resemble snakes or could (out of the corner of my eye, perhaps) be mistaken for one! Example: I wouldn't let my husband purchase a green or black garden hose!

Smell
Love:
1. Lilacs. They are by far my favorite flower, because of their beautiful scent.
2. My husband. I just love his scent.
3. Rain in the spring - especially right before the rain starts to fall.
4. Baking bread.
Don't:
1. Vomit. I'll take the nastiest stinky diapers any day. Just don't make me handle vomit - I'll just add to it!

Touch
Love:
1. Zeus, my gray cat. His fur is the softest fur I've ever felt on a REAL cat.
2. My husband's freshly shaved face.
3. Hugs from my kids.
4. Massage. LOVE it!
Don't:
1. Raw meat.

Taste
Like:
1. Chocolate and peanut butter. Especially Hershey's or Nestle Crunch dipped in Jif!
2. White cake batter.
3. Sharp cheddar cheese. I have no idea why, but I LOVE it. Can't get enough!
4. Alaskan king crab legs. I don't get them very often at all, but I SAVOR them when I do!
Don't:
1. There are so many, many things I don't like. I'm picky - and it sucks. Top of the list: tomatoes - they make me gag!

Sound
Like:
1. Thunder.
2. My children's laughter.
3. Music. I like a wide, wide range. From classical to Christian rock and everything in between. Current favorites include Skillet, Jars of Clay, Swan Lake, and Evanescence. I'm also a HUGE fan of movie soundtracks, such as Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, and other such theatrical scores!
4. Cats purring.
Don't:
1. My kids crying or whining.

This list was actually hard for me to come up with. It required me to actually THINK about this, rather than just noting it when I come across it! LOL But, it's fun! So, please, share yours! I can't wait to see what your list is! :-)