Blog Journal: Day 8

Today's question: What does romance mean to me?

My answer: I honestly don't know. I haven't given it much thought, really. So, let's see what Webster says ...

1 : to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery
2 : to carry on a love affair with

There are lots of others totally unrelated to anything I associate with romance, so this is it, I guess.

The first one, well, I think that's the courting/engagement phase. It all but disappears once a couple settles into marriage. At least, that's how the story goes. And, honestly, that's how things have played out. He does occasional grand gestures, but generally they're a thing of the past. Now, honestly, I'd like a bit of the gifts – that's my love language ...

Anyway, the second is definitely true. It can encompass the first, but it's not dependent on the first. It's the things we do every day that show each other that we love each other. It's him making me chai on the weekends, trying to replicate how they make the chai tea lattes at Starbucks or Panera. It's me making sure there's a cold beer waiting in the fridge for him at the end of the day. It's him cleaning up after me when I was SUPER sick, never griping, never giving me crap about it, and to this day being graceful about it. It's me putting a towel in the dryer for a few minutes so he's got a warm towel when he steps out of the shower on a cold day. It's him leaving extra cash for me to find when he goes out of town for work. It's me leaving a lamp on in our bedroom when I go to bed so he doesn't have to come to bed in the dark.

It's all of those things, and so much more. I am very blessed that God gave Mr. Ham to me. I couldn't imagine my life without him.

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Head on over to Toddler Awesome if you wanna play along and/or read others' blog journals. Tomorrow we share our wedding pictures and/or stories (or your dream wedding if you're single).

Book Review: Love & War

Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of by John and Stasi Eldredge
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Summary: What the Eldredge bestsellers "Wild at Heart" did for men, and "Captivating" did for women, LOVE & WAR will do for married couples everywhere. John and Stasi Eldredge have contributed the quintessential works on Christian spirituality through the experience of men and the experience of women and now they turn their focus to the incredible dynamic between those two forces.

With refreshing openness that will grab readers from the first page, the Eldredges candidly discuss their own marriage and the insights they’ve gained from the challenges they faced. Each talks independently to the reader about what they’ve learned, giving their guidance personal immediacy and a balance between the male and female perspectives that has been absent from all previous books on this topic. They begin LOVE & WAR with an obvious but necessary acknowledgment: Marriage is fabulously hard. They advise that the sooner we get the shame and confusion off our backs, the sooner we'll find our way through.

LOVE & WAR shows couples how to fight for their love and happiness, calling men and women to step into the great adventure God has waiting for them together. Walking alongside John and Stasi Eldredge, every couple can discover how their individual journeys are growing into a story of meaning much greater than anything they could do or be on their own.

My review: I had heard of John Eldredge, so I was excited to have a chance to read something he'd written.

This book is VERY good. VERY insightful. It is a Christian book about marriage, and it talks all about what God intended marriage to be. It was an eye-opener, insofar as it really helped me see why Satan is trying to hard to undermine marriage - not only by attacking intact marriage, but also by convincing people that it's irrelevant and by perverting something beautiful created by God himself.

I have considered myself blessed in my marriage. My husband and I are a great match, and we seem to be in an awesome place. This book served as a reminder that this likely is the calm before the storm. Satan's not going to let us revel in our harmonious marriage long before striking and attempting to destroy what we have. This book has made me more watchful, more mindful, and more prayerful.

I highly recommend this book to all married couples, all engaged couples, AND anyone who wants to get married someday. There are issues from our past that can greatly affect our marriages. This book tells us how to defeat those - and I figure you don't have to wait until you're married/engaged to start fighting those battles!

Get your own copy of the book:
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9780385529808
This was book was provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah.

View all my reviews >>

Best Marriage Advice

I remember early in my marriage (within the first year) cringing when I watched my husband load (or unload – can't remember which) the dishwasher. At one point, I had an epiphany. The thought came to me, "if I want him to help, I can't be picking at HOW he does things." I don't doubt in my mind that was a Divine revelation of sorts!

I will be honest, God has blessed me with a wonderful husband. He's a caring, responsible, fun man. As a father, he's amazing, and he's domesticated, too! ;-) Yes, my friends, my wonderful hubby cooks, cleans, changes diapers, etc. He does it all – we BOTH do it all. (Well, I don't cook if I can avoid it, but that's beside the point.)

While I'll admit that some of how I got here was luck of the draw – and/or Divine leading, I think there's more to it. I think that while who we end up with is important, I think our attitudes and actions can make a huge difference.

You wanna know what I think is the best marriage advice ever? It's simple: don't micromanage. You know what I mean – don't insist he do everything YOUR way. He's NOT YOU, and he doesn't work the same way as you. Allow him to do things HIS WAY. If you can't stand it, LEAVE the room. Don't say anything. Just go. Seriously.

Think about it. How would you feel if you were trying to help someone out with something and they were too concerned about HOW you were doing it to be grateful that you're doing it in the first place? Be honest. You KNOW you wouldn't like it. And, it seems to me, it would DISCOURAGE you from helping out like that in the future. Don't you think our husbands feel the same way?

When your husband helps out around the house, don't pick at how he does it. Don't pick at what he does wrong. Don't give him ANY idea how much it "hurts" to watch him do it "wrong" – just thank him. Smile when you thank him, and make sure he knows you truly are grateful.

This also applies to when he's caring for the kids. Men are wired differently, and chances are he won't do things the same way you would. There's nothing wrong with how he's doing things, so long as no one gets hurt – well, at least none of the kids. ;-) Be grateful, make sure he knows you're grateful, and count your lucky stars!

So, I challenge you. The next time your husband helps out, BE POSITIVE. NO NEGATIVITY ALLOWED! After that, keep it up! Enough positive feedback from you, and I bet you'll find him more willing – or at least less reluctant – to help out!

It's All Downhill from Here ...

... or so they say. The halfway point of DH's time away has been reached and passed. Two weeks from now he will be HOME. :-) December 6 cannot come fast enough! I will say that overall this has gone better than I'd expected. The kiddos are generally doing great, and I'm holding up better than before - maybe that's because I'm not pregnant this time! LOL I just miss HIM. His companionship. His hug. His voice - which sounds different IRL than over the phone! ;-) His smell. His smile. Two weeks - I can do this. Really. I can. Plus, my mom's coming out in a few days to be here for a few days - including Thanksgiving. So, that'll help. I'll finally have some much-needed adult company! And maybe, just MAYBE she'll let me get away - even if it's just to run to Panera and get a chai tea latte. Here's hoping! ;-) Anyway, we are over the hump. We're closer to the end than to the beginning. It feels SO GOOD! Oh, Lord, please help these two weeks fly by - and me to make it through with my sanity in tact - or at least what's left of my sanity! ;-)

Thanksgiving will be weird this year. DH and I haven't ever been apart for Thanksgiving in I don't know how long. This is our ninth Thanksgiving since we were married, and I know we'd spent a couple together prior to our marriage, too. So, it's been 10+ years since we last were apart for a major holiday! I really don't think it'll feel like Thanksgiving. Not even with a meal. But, we'll do our best.

What I haven't decided is whether to get the Christmas stuff down Friday like we normally would do or wait until he's home. Maybe it'll depend on how my back feels - and how heavy everything is! Perhaps I should ask him about it - that might be a good idea. Yes, I will tomorrow - assuming I remember.

Well, I think I'm gonna head to bed early. Grant was up around 5:30 this morning, and wouldn't go back to sleep. So, I am exhausted. Night, night!