The Lessons We Learn

As I thought about what to title this post, The Lessons We Learn popped into my mind. I think this might end up being the first in a series, as Lord knows there are many lessons we learn in life – and I'm not talking academics, either! ;-) For now, though, I'll just share what's on my mind.

As you might or might not know, back in early September, I hurt my wrist. Badly. I couldn't type much, and that's when I fell out of the blogosphere for a while. I still have some pain and/or discomfort (depending on the day), and was told by my doctor that it could take up to 12 weeks to fully heal. (Darn those ligaments! ;-) ) Based on my tendency to overdo it at times, I wouldn't be surprised if it took even longer than that.

Anyway, in the course of learning to cope with an injured wrist, I learned a lot. A lot about myself, and a lot about how much I take having a whole, (mostly) healthy body for granted. And before I continue, let me state that I am left-handed, and had injured my right wrist. I think that's pertinent. Anyway, today, while getting dressed and doing laundry, I thought of a whole bunch of things that it just amazes me how much we (and I think it's safe to assume I'm not the only one here) tend to take for granted. So, I present to you my list.

Things I took for granted before hurting my wrist:

1. Tying my kids' shoes. It's very hard to get the angles and movements down right when you can't bend your wrist.


2. Doing my hair. I wear it up a lot. Putting my hair into a ponytail wasn't happening with just one hand!


3. Reading a book. Seriously! I know it sounds silly, but it's hard to hold the book the way I normally do without being able to bend at the wrist! Especially with paperback books!


4. Sleeping. I am not kidding. It was hard getting comfortable with a heavy brace on my arm – and being unable to bend that wrist the way I guess I normally do. (I had no idea I do that!)


5. Putting on my bra. It's next to impossible without being able to bend the wrist. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about! That back closure – um, yeah. Thank God I could get the hubby to help.


6. Cutting my children's food.


7. Driving. I didn't realize how much I drove one-handed, using my right hand! I ended up basically having to use my left hand while cradling my right arm in my lap. But, when it came time for turn signals, that was rough. The brace has a metal plate/bar thing inside that goes up the length of the underside of it. (That's the side that includes the palm of my hand.) It's next to impossible to grip anything when using the brace!


8. Sex. Sorry, but I'm not going to elaborate ... ;-)


9. Changing diapers. It's not as hard as I thought it would be, but still. A compromised – and largely useless – hand makes it a bit more challenging!


10. Getting dressed. Slightly less tricky than getting my boobs covered was pulling on the lower-body coverings ...


11. Doing laundry. Loading the washer/dryer wasn't so bad. Took extra long, though, with only one hand. (Both are front-loaders.) But, folding laundry was impossible. And, yes, now I am behind. Most stuff is clean, but not necessarily where it should be ...


12. Lots and lots of other things. This list could go on for days and days! LOL

It was amazing to me the things I took for granted. Absolutely amazing. I had no idea how much I actually do rely on my right hand, despite being left-handed! I do think that my ability to adapt pretty easily comes from being a lefty in a right-handed world. (It really is true – ask any lefty!) I am EXTREMELY grateful that it was my right wrist, and not the left one, though.

I am finally no longer wearing the brace. For a few weeks, I only had to wear the brace for sleeping. It was so nice to be mostly free! LOL I recently was told I can go without even overnight, and that has been awesome. Although, I have aggravated things a bit over the past couple of weeks, and elected to sleep with the brace again. I'm hoping and praying that this injury gets fully healed SOON, as I'm kinda tired of this!

Frustrated

I'm frustrated beyond belief. And burned out. And tired. And lonely. And trying desperately not to slip into depression - b/c I know that if I do I'm on my own. I know my friends will say I'm not alone and I have them - but not one of them is someone I've met IRL. (Well, almost none - and definitely none of my absolute closest friends.) It's not the same thing as having someone who can hug me, be here with me, literally help me through this. No one. And, no, DH isn't availible for me.

Where's DH? At work. Again - or is it still? I don't know. I know it's not his fault. With the MAJOR flooding in Iowa, he needs to work. His job requires it. And, generally speaking, this isn't something that happens all the time. So, generally speaking, this isn't an issue. (He's still not 100% there for me, but that's another post for another day.) This royally sucks. More than I'd ever expected it to. Much more. He's been deployed to Louisiana twice now, and those were easier. They really were. Sure, I was 100% on my own 24/7, and it was more work overall. But, this is so much worse. I don't know from one day to the next whether he's working late - and if so just how late. So, I don't know if I absolutely HAVE to do it all on my own or if he'll be around to help. And, I'll be horribly - or perhaps embarrassingly - honest here. I can be - or perhaps just AM - a bit on the lazy side. (I hate that about myself, but here's yet another post for yet another day.) I don't WANT to do it all, so I don't if I know there's a chance that he'll be able to help me. I do what I absolutely HAVE to and save the rest for later - when either he can watch the kids so I can do it without interruption or he can do it. So, things get let go - for instance, a sippy cup ended up with NASTY mold in it. And the mold didn't come out in the dishwasher, despite a HIGH TEMP wash, rinse, and dry. (I was able to scrub it all out/off this afternoon. Although I'm still unsure as to whether I should just throw it out ...) That's not counting the laundry that gets done when we run out of something - typically shorts and/or PJs for at least one of the kids. Oh, yes, and there's a TON of clean clothes, but not a chance to put it away without DH around. (Most of it's the kids' stuff.)

Add to all of this that during these extended hours, there is little to no contact EVERY day - most days NONE, except to call when he's on his way home. The days he does call during the day he usually either wants something or is responding to an e-mail I sent him - or he's returning a call after I left a message. And this, my friends, is why I'm feeling so lonely and just blah. (Well, the blah is a combination of it all, but I hope I'm being clear.) I see him for maybe 5 minutes every morning before he zips out the door. Before all of this flooding, he'd come home for lunch a couple of times per week - now he doesn't, unless there's something going on. (Example: Abby's b-day party at preschool was in the morning, after which she had a parent-teacher conference. DH came home so I could attend both without the other two kids in tow.) And NO phone calls during the day. We hardly have any time to be together, talk, or whatever during the very brief moments we're home together. I've always known I'm not much of a priority to him, and this just hammers that home a little bit more.

To complicate matters, I have been having some minor aches and pains that I've considered seeing my doctor about. But, well, I'm not about to take all three kids to the doctor's office with me. I don't feel like I can make an appointment right now b/c it would be an inconvenience to DH.

OK. I'm exhausted. It's still an hour or so before he's expected home, but I've little to no energy left to continue this. (It's amazing the expenditure of energy when dealing with emotional issues - is that the depression?)

Phew!

I saw my allergist yesterday, and he said it doesn't sound like an allergy to food! :-) PHEW! I'm relieved - I don't want food allergies, thanks anyway! ;-) Since I'd posted that last bit, I thought I'd make sure to update.