Be the Adult

Don't tell her I said this, but my mom gives good advice. She always has. When I was a teenager, I'd pretend to ignore it, process it, then follow it. Even into my 20s, I wasn't a fan of unsolicited advice, but I'd at least think about what she told me. From words of wisdom that led to my breaking up with my first serious boyfriend in high school to tips when buying a house, my mom's advice has often proven valuable. Again, don't tell her I said that! ;-)

One of the pieces of advice I've heard more recently is: Be the adult. Be the adult.

Where'd this come from? Well, we sometimes have issues with some of our children's friends, and I have vented to my mother about this. Things that drive me batty, and I gotta let out so I don't blow. I know these kids are young enough that it's more a matter of not knowing better than anything, but it's still frustrating and (in the right situations) infuriating. My mom will patiently listen, even agree with some of my concerns, but always remind me to "be the adult."

Do you know how often I have to remind myself of that?

Really, this is excellent advice. And not just when it comes to my kids' friends. In life in general this can prove useful. From an argument with my husband that gets out of hand to a disagreement with a friend. If I remember to "be the adult" maybe things would be resolved more quickly. Or at least with less fallout.

Heck! This might even come in handy with my kids. You know, when they're under my skin and WON'T get OUT! Maybe if I remember to "be the adult" I can find a way to alleviate the issues and help the kids (and myself) to move on.

Be the adult.

Great advice.

Thanks, Mom.

Best Marriage Advice

I remember early in my marriage (within the first year) cringing when I watched my husband load (or unload – can't remember which) the dishwasher. At one point, I had an epiphany. The thought came to me, "if I want him to help, I can't be picking at HOW he does things." I don't doubt in my mind that was a Divine revelation of sorts!

I will be honest, God has blessed me with a wonderful husband. He's a caring, responsible, fun man. As a father, he's amazing, and he's domesticated, too! ;-) Yes, my friends, my wonderful hubby cooks, cleans, changes diapers, etc. He does it all – we BOTH do it all. (Well, I don't cook if I can avoid it, but that's beside the point.)

While I'll admit that some of how I got here was luck of the draw – and/or Divine leading, I think there's more to it. I think that while who we end up with is important, I think our attitudes and actions can make a huge difference.

You wanna know what I think is the best marriage advice ever? It's simple: don't micromanage. You know what I mean – don't insist he do everything YOUR way. He's NOT YOU, and he doesn't work the same way as you. Allow him to do things HIS WAY. If you can't stand it, LEAVE the room. Don't say anything. Just go. Seriously.

Think about it. How would you feel if you were trying to help someone out with something and they were too concerned about HOW you were doing it to be grateful that you're doing it in the first place? Be honest. You KNOW you wouldn't like it. And, it seems to me, it would DISCOURAGE you from helping out like that in the future. Don't you think our husbands feel the same way?

When your husband helps out around the house, don't pick at how he does it. Don't pick at what he does wrong. Don't give him ANY idea how much it "hurts" to watch him do it "wrong" – just thank him. Smile when you thank him, and make sure he knows you truly are grateful.

This also applies to when he's caring for the kids. Men are wired differently, and chances are he won't do things the same way you would. There's nothing wrong with how he's doing things, so long as no one gets hurt – well, at least none of the kids. ;-) Be grateful, make sure he knows you're grateful, and count your lucky stars!

So, I challenge you. The next time your husband helps out, BE POSITIVE. NO NEGATIVITY ALLOWED! After that, keep it up! Enough positive feedback from you, and I bet you'll find him more willing – or at least less reluctant – to help out!