What's with the Guilt?

Mommy Guilt. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. I just wanna know: What's up with that? I mean, why do we feel guilty for everything and nothing all at once? Why is it that being a mom seems to make one a guilt magnet?

Example: I have three kids and I worry about equal treatment - as much as is possible, as perfectly equal is not. Individuals can't be treated exactly the same simply because they aren't the same. That said, I still find myself feeling guilty over just about anything. The latest is pictures, of all things! When Abby was born, I was diligent about having pictures taken at regular intervals. I started at 6 weeks (figuring her hospital pics were good enough for newborn), then 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, 18 months, 24 months, and annually after that. When school started, we just started relying on those for her annual individual shots. For Grant, I was pretty good about sticking to that schedule. There might have been some slight variation - like 19 months instead of 18 months - but I still did a pretty good job. Poor sweet Natalie, however, is getting the short end of the annual-pictures stick! Long story short: I missed her 18-month pictures! My husband was gone to Fargo for 30 days when she hit that milestone, and I just never got around to it. And now, she's 21 months - three months from her 24-month pictures. I feel bad - and I am sure this will be a source of regret at times in the future. We do take pictures of her at home, but not nearly as much as we did Abby - or Grant. Poor kid is getting the classic third-born treatment!

Why do I feel so friggin' guilty about this? I mean, seriously! It's not like it's a life-or-death thing! And it's not like she hasn't gotten treatment the others missed out on! For one, we take lots of videos of her - something we didn't do with Abby very much at all, simply for lack of the requisite equipment. Same for Grant. Plus, I worked full time, so I missed a lot of what I've taken video of with Natalie. And then Grant got more ultrasounds (prior to birth) than the girls. Poor Abby didn't get any - our insurance wouldn't pay for it! Natalie got the standard mid-point ultrasound. Grant, however, got two in-depth sonograms. Poor Abby, when we showed her Natalie's pictures, asked about hers from when she was still "in Mommy's tummy." The disappointment on her face brought on major Mommy Guilt! I found myself wishing we'd gotten one - but that would've cost us $300 or more! We didn't really have that to spare.

All of this to illustrate the things over which I tend to struggle with feeling guilty over. There are many more that come and go, depending on what we're dealing with and how I'm feeling, but those are the major ones right now. It's annoying, to say the least. There are times I get down on myself because of this stuff, but then I remind myself that these aren't major issues. Overall, we do a good job (I think) with our kids. We love them; we take good care of them; and we do our very best to make sure we do right by them. Still, there's always something that brings on the guilt. Why is that?

How about you? Do you suffer from Mommy Guilt? If so, what brings it on for you? If not, how do you manage to keep it away?

I'm Not Procrastinating - I Swear!

There are so many things I need to do - for myself - that just don't get done. It took me months to make a dentist appointment, and eye-doctor appointment, among other things. I'd been wanting to do it for months, but just didn't. And it wasn't for lack of wanting to. It's because sometimes I want to make an appointment and not have to bring the kids - especially for things like a lady's annual exam. The kids should not have to witness that! Yes, I could conceivably make an appointment for the eye doctor and most of my other appointments and take the kids. But, half the time, half of what I wanted to talk about gets forgotten because I have to keep the kids from destroying the room! There are a few appointments to which I refuse to take my children:

• The aforementioned pap. Need I say more?
• The chiropractor. It's kinda hard to keep them under control while someone's manipulating your spine!
• Hair appointments. There's no way to keep them occupied - especially not when I'm getting highlighting done. It's not fair to anyone.
• Massages and other spa-type things. How relaxing can it be with the kids around?

I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones that come to mind. I take my kids to see my PCP, because there's no pap-like stuff going on. I take them to the dentist, as they actually are able to help occupy them. I took them to my allergist appointment, where there (thankfully) were age-appropriate toys. There are very few things I do - or places I go - that don't occur without the children. Ask any stay-at-home mom, and you'll likely hear something similar.

So, where is this coming from? Well, the biggest problem I have is scheduling. My husband's schedule is one that is not friendly to me. Any appointments I have to make more than a couple of weeks in advance almost always need to be rescheduled because of some conflict with his work. It's because of this .. uncertainty ... that I take months to actually make most appointments. When things finally get to where I can't put it off anymore, I schedule. Prime examples:

• I finally saw the eye doctor when I ran out of contact lenses.
• Tooth pain has led to my scheduling a dentist appointment.
• Needing a prescription refill led to my scheduling my annual.

That last - the dreaded annual - has been problematic. Because I waited too long to schedule, I had to wait two extra months for an appointment - which meant it was scheduled for April. But, my husband was gone for the month of April - because of work - so I had to reschedule. That meant another two months to wait. My appointment is within the next week or so, and suddenly my husband has a problem. How dare I schedule it for a Monday, when he has work stuff. Firstly, I told him back in April when it was scheduled for. Why didn't he say something then? I mean, really? I would've been annoyed, but much less so than I am now. Heck, now, I'm pissed. I will not bring these kids to my pap. No way in hell. He suggested I ask the neighbor to look after our kids - um, no. I don't want to do that to her. Her kid is going to summer school, so it's not like they'd have her to play with. I don't have much of a support system here, so I really have no one I can ask for help. This means I likely will have to wait another TWO months for my annual. At this point, I just want to get it over and done with!

Me again

I hadn't intended to be away this long. Sorry. Although, I don't think anyone's even reading this so perhaps I'm only letting myself down! LOL Still, this can be therapeutic, so I really should do it more. Now to explain my absence.

It's been a helluva couple of weeks. This past week I've been spending most of my time (when the kids allow, of course) helping a dear friend of mine launch a new Web site. It's phpBB based like mine is, so I've done most of the modifications and stuff. That has been fun - I like doing stuff like that. (Yes, I know, I'm a nerd! LOL) I've even taken a bit of a hiatus from my own site in my efforts to help her get things up and running. I let my Staff know, as I felt they should be aware of my whereabouts. The good thing is I have good people on my site, and me being gone (or in much less than usual) for a while isn't going to cause it to fall apart. I tried to get on a minimum of once per day. I must've done pretty well, as no one seemed to notice my absence.

I have since been made one of four Admin on my friend's site. I haven't let anyone on my site know that yet. Do I have to? I don't think it's a conflict of interests. My site is for Christian women; the new site is for moms. We aren't what some would call "competitors" or anything. Plus, I'm one of FOUR Admin there, all of which can do techie stuff. I might say something at least to my staff. But, I don't want to cause any drama. I know one of my staff members is on the new site, and so far she hasn't said anything about it to me. (If anyone DOES read this and you happen to be on my site, please comment here to let me know your thoughts.)

Well, laundry beckons. So, I must go for now.