The Ws (and H)

I know the who. Natalie. I know the what. Her third birthday. I know the where. Anywhere she is! ;-)What I'm not so sure about is the why – or the how. OK, yeah, I get the why, biologically speaking. But still, who said she could "grow up" so damn quickly? I know, God (which is what Abby would tell me), but still. I don't like it one bit! Why is the baby phase over before we know it? Why is it that we blink and it's gone? (The logical, not-so-sentimental side says that it's because if that phase was super long, we'd never have more than one child – or we'd die much younger than we do ... ;-) Clearly, it's not the logical side writing right now ...)And, HOW? HOW is it possible that she was born THREE YEARS ago? Talk about time flying by! I still remember much of my pregnancy with her quite vividly, as well as her birth and her as a newborn. Don't get me wrong, I am not a huge fan of the newborn phase. I love them small and snuggly, but I hate the helpless feeling when you just can't figure out what's bothering them ... Anyway, clearly, it's the cute, cuddly stuff I'm waxing poetic right now! ;-) I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that my precious, sweet (SUPER surprise) baby girl is THREE YEARS OLD! Knock me over with a feather!

Yes, I said surprised. Nothing about my final pregnancy was planned. I was still nursing Grant when I found out I was pregnant again. He was 13 months old. From sometime during his first year I knew instinctively (mother's intuition – or divine advanced warning – you decide) that our next baby was going to be born in October. I did not realize it meant the October after his first birthday ... Still, the pregnancy was a complete surprise – especially to Mr. Ham. On a very, very deep level, I knew I was pregnant before it was possible to get a positive pregnancy test. So, when I did get one, I wasn't all that surprised. And I definitely wasn't shocked – but he was. I was excited by the time I broke the news to him, because I had had some time to absorb the idea. I don't know when he got excited, but let's just say that it's all good now. We both love her to pieces. She is the absolute best surprise ever. God has been so good to us.

Still, it's hard to believe that was three years ago – or three years and nine months, if we're counting the pregnancy. Man, these kids grow up fast! (I don't currently have good Natalie pics on my computer, but I'll try to get one up soon.)

Well, it is late and I am EXHAUSTED! I was hoping to write more, but this will have to be it.

It Really Is True ~~~ And I'm Late to the Party

Odd title, huh? I know, I know. That's because you're in for a treat: TWO posts in ONE! How cool is that? (LOL I'm in a weird mood.)

Post 1: It Really Is True

What's true? You had to ask. Well, they say that when you become a mother, things really, really change. And, well, that's a DUH statement, huh? But, I've also heard that when you have children, it's like your heart is running around. Like they ARE your heart. And, before this weekend, I thought I knew what it meant. But I didn't. Not really. I had an idea, but now I get it better than I had before.

What's changed? Well, the wonderful Mr. Ham kindly gave me the weekend home ALONE! He took our three wonderful children downstate to see his family. Just so I could get a break! (This was originally planned because we thought he was going to be away for the fall semester, but that's another story.) Don't I have the best hubby ever? Isn't that the SWEETEST thing? I have been away from my kids before, and even for about the same amount of time. The difference is that I'm home and they aren't. I haven't been home alone for more than a few hours at a time since before they were born. This is S-T-R-A-N-G-E. Quite different from what I'd expected.Don't get me wrong. I'm enjoying my much-needed ME time. But, it's weird. Everything is empty, quiet, still. I don't mind, really I don't.

Back to the original point – about the hearts running around. It dawned on me yesterday – even Friday night. It is HARD for me to not worry with them so far away. I don't worry about them nearly as much when I'm the one away from home. But, my three little hearts – four, if you count Mr. Ham – are running around four hours away from me. They have to travel for four hours on the Interstate tomorrow to come home to me. A path that very well could be wrought with danger. A path that could lead to my losing them! :-( Yes, I trust God for their safety. I'm praying for traveling mercies, that they each come home in one – very much alive and healthy – piece.

How is this like I have little hearts out there running around? Well, because my heart aches – and not with worry. But like a piece – or a few pieces, I suppose – of me is missing. Little portions of my heart are running around with their cousins downstate, and I'm a bit fragmented. I won't be whole until they return – safely. God forbid – and I mean it, God, FORBID anything happen to them – I don't know how I would move on. But, thinking like that only leads to unhappiness. So, I'm writing this out to help get such things off my mind, and get myself back into enjoying what few hours left of freedom that I have to enjoy.

I feel like this half of the post is rambling. Sorry. But, hey, I'm true to form, right? This blog is, after all, Ramblings & More! I would be a liar if I didn't ramble! ;-) Anyway, summary: My kiddos (and wonderful hubby) are away for a weekend. And FINALLY understand what is meant when they say motherhood means you have your heart outside your body!

Post 2: Late to the Party

What party? Oh, just hold on there. I'll get to it, I promise. Just brace yourself: more rambling is on the way ...

When I was in high school, I was busy. Not only did I have school work and Treble Choir, but I had a boyfriend and Falconettes (poms). Well, this is specifically my senior year – and the boyfriend in question is none other than Mr. Ham. Yes, he's my high school sweetheart. God has been good to me. I digress ...

Anyway, as such, I missed the boat on the popular TV shows of the day. Friends, ER, and other goodies. I started watching them my freshman year in college, when I finally had time – sorta. I got hooked. When Mr. Ham and I were done with college, married, and moved to our current locale, I watched all of the old ER episode reruns on TNT. I had to see what had already happened. I wasn't having trouble understanding anything, but I wanted to know what I'd missed. I picked up the show the first year WITHOUT George Clooney. Yep, I missed Dr. Ross! But, I was a faithful watcher from then on out. Even through the last few, less-than-stellar (in my opinion) seasons. I had watched them ALL and HAD to see how they ended the show. I was satisfied with the way ER was wrapped up, but also happy to see it go. Talk about beating a dead horse ...

Anyway, because of my loyalty to ER, I missed out on many other good shows, one of which was Grey's Anatomy. And I regretted that once I heard about how good it was. But, I'm loyal – often to a fault – and I wasn't ditching a floundering ER for an "ER wannabe" show.

Cue NETFLIX!

Netflix, how I love thee ... let me count the ways ...

1. Grey's Anatomy


2. Grey's Anatomy


3. Grey's Anatomy

You get the idea. I'm FINALLY watching that show. I've only got a few episodes left in Season 2 – Netflix says the last disc is coming tomorrow. (The last episode I saw was when Dr. Burke got shot and Dr. Bailey finds him in the ambulance bay. And Izzy decides to cause a patient's heart to fail so he can get a transplant.) I gotta tell ya, I LOVED the show from the pilot! So fresh, offbeat, and fun! I love that there's drama, but the show also cracks me up at times. And I love, love, LOVE the music! What an excellent show!

Although, I must complain. The whole Addison-Derek-Meredith thing. Um, hello! He's married. Meredith, back off. Of course, now I should mention that I've been watching Private Practice since its pilot, so maybe that's why I really love Addison so much. But, ya know, she's Derek's WIFE. Anyway, I must say that I cannot stand Izzy. I liked her in the first season, but this inappropriate relationship with a patient (Denny) just PISSES ME OFF! Of course, my distaste for her in general might have something to do with the way the actress (whose name eludes me at the moment) became such a diva by the end of her run on the show ... But, the Denny thing. The whole time I'm thinking "Someone stop her!" Ugh, and waiting one more day for the conclusion to that ... TORTURE!

All of that to say that, while I've got some issues with it, I'm loving Grey's Anatomy. Never thought I would be, but I'm glad I gave into my curiosity. This show makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me angry. Excellent, excellent show. I'm glad I finally joined in this party!

That said, I won't be able to watch this season as it airs. Mr. Ham likes NBC's lineup during the time slot of Grey's. But, Netflix has been good to me, and I'll just keep going that route. Plus, then there's very little waiting between episodes. Gotta love that! ;-)

Be the Adult

Don't tell her I said this, but my mom gives good advice. She always has. When I was a teenager, I'd pretend to ignore it, process it, then follow it. Even into my 20s, I wasn't a fan of unsolicited advice, but I'd at least think about what she told me. From words of wisdom that led to my breaking up with my first serious boyfriend in high school to tips when buying a house, my mom's advice has often proven valuable. Again, don't tell her I said that! ;-)

One of the pieces of advice I've heard more recently is: Be the adult. Be the adult.

Where'd this come from? Well, we sometimes have issues with some of our children's friends, and I have vented to my mother about this. Things that drive me batty, and I gotta let out so I don't blow. I know these kids are young enough that it's more a matter of not knowing better than anything, but it's still frustrating and (in the right situations) infuriating. My mom will patiently listen, even agree with some of my concerns, but always remind me to "be the adult."

Do you know how often I have to remind myself of that?

Really, this is excellent advice. And not just when it comes to my kids' friends. In life in general this can prove useful. From an argument with my husband that gets out of hand to a disagreement with a friend. If I remember to "be the adult" maybe things would be resolved more quickly. Or at least with less fallout.

Heck! This might even come in handy with my kids. You know, when they're under my skin and WON'T get OUT! Maybe if I remember to "be the adult" I can find a way to alleviate the issues and help the kids (and myself) to move on.

Be the adult.

Great advice.

Thanks, Mom.

The End of an Era

It came as a slight surprise to me when Saturday morning Mr. Ham said "let's do the switch today."

The what?

The switch. The bedroom switch. Tear down the crib, set up Grant's new bed in the room the crib had been in, and start having Natalie sleep on the bottom bunk in Abby's room.

Ooooh. That switch.

Grant tries out his new bed
for the first time.

This is something we had been talking about for several weeks now. We originally had discussed doing so around Memorial Day weekend. I'm not sure why we didn't. Maybe part of it was denial? I dunno. What I do know is that Mr. Ham tore down that crib, then we disassembled the changing tower. Then assembled the hutch to make it a dresser/hutch instead of a changing tower. Then it was time for the bed. I made it with Grant's new Thomas bedding, and his room was ready. And he was THRILLED! I'm not sure if it's the having his own space, the Thomas bedding, the blue walls, or something else. But he was THRILLED. Still is. It's pretty cute, actually! (Click the thumbnails to see the pictures their actual size.)

Grant reads to his puppy in his new bed.

Once Grant's room was ready, we prepped the girls' room. Changed the sheets for Natalie, brought her favorite blankets (for snuggling) into the room, and let her check out her new pad. She was excited, too. And the next morning, she came into our room (way too early) with Abby, and she had a HUGE grin on her face! She, too, is still excited.

Grant shows off his Thomas bed.

It's bittersweet for me. Because it's the end of an era. For almost 7 years we have had that crib up and (mostly) in use. When Abby was a couple of months old, we moved her into it. She stayed in her crib until she was almost 2.5 – a few months before we needed it for Grant. He used it until he was a few months shy of 2, because Natalie was coming. And she has used it since she was a couple of weeks old. (Funny how that works – first child gets a couple of months in our room. Last child, a couple of weeks. But, I digress ...)

We knew when I was pregnant with Natalie that she was the last. It was confirmed for me shortly (we're talking moments) after her birth. I knew I was D.O.N.E. DONE! While I occasionally get a tiny smidgen of baby lust, it's very fleeting! I just remind myself how nice it is to be done with the newborn craziness. Natalie's got a routine, we're all settling into a nice family routine. I'm happy to NOT upset it now! ;-)

But, still, it is the end of an era. The Baby Era is over in the Ham household. Over and done. (Mr. Ham is fixed, so there's no question about it!) And I'm 99.9% happy with that. But, part of me will miss my cuddly, sweet babies. (Especially when the older one mouths off and rolls her eyes ...) The Baby Era is over. I'm not sure what to call it now. We have one in school, one in preschool, and the other's technically a toddler still. The first of many Transitional eras, perhaps? Maybe I'll call this Transition Era, the First. That will give way to The School Era, when all three are in school. Back to Transition, etc.

Yikes! I had better stop thinking about that! It'll make me sad.

Time to enjoy these sweet babies – er, I mean children – of mine before they want nothing to do with me!

E-mail to Mr. Ham

I just sent the following e-mail to my wonderful husband:

There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth by children (ESPECIALLY the male child) in our household just now ...

It finally happened ...

We both have feared this day ...

They're gone!

All of them ...

GONE!

I'm hoping he'll know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm guessing he will.

I'm betting you don't know what I'm talking about. So, let me explain.

When I got pregnant with our youngest, one way we decided to help the bottom line was to cancel our satellite service. Since then (almost three years now), we've only had free TV. We did get a DVR, so we can still record shows, but the only programming we have is what's available from networks in our area. For the most part, our kids watch PBS shows. Favorites include Curious George, Martha Speaks, Word Girl, Dinosaur Train, and Super WHY. Great shows.

In January we bought a Blu-ray player. And Mr. Ham signed us up for Netflix, including the streaming. We started streaming kids' shows (not found on PBS). The favorites (by far) around here are Dora and Blues Clues.

A few months ago we received notice that both were going to be removed from the instant queue. We are guessing contract issues. Anyway, it didn't happen when it was supposed to. Then we got a second notice that they were going to disappear again a few weeks later. Still didn't happen. Recently I noticed they were supposed to disappear sometime this month. I didn't quite believe it, but knew it was a possibility.

A pre-naptime routine has been watch an episode of Blues Clues or Dora. We went to do so this afternoon, and they were (I guess I should say ARE) gone. GONE ...

I guess June 11 was the date they were scheduled to be removed ...

And that is when the weeping and gnashing of teeth happened. Figuring something else out was tough, but we settled on a Leap Frog DVD.

I sure hope Netflix gets the streaming Dora and Blues Clues back soon!

Blog Journal: Day 3

I hope these images are working OK for you to read them. Like last time, click on it to see it full size, and that should make it doable.

I feel this is one that requires some elaboration.

• My kids ~ Not just what doesn't require explanation, but also their births – especially the younger two. They were VBAC deliveries, and those were the most rewarding days of my life! Also, I'm very proud of who they are and who they are going to be. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for them – and for us through them.
• My blogs ~ Yes, this one, but especially Proud Book Nerd. I have put lots of blood, sweat, and tears into both. OK, maybe not those things – time, energy, and even in some cases money (this template wasn't cheap). But, it is so worth it. I'm having fun with both. But, I think in the book blog I've found my niche. I can't remember a time I wasn't a bookworm, so I shouldn't be surprised ... anyway, if you wanna know more about that, just go to the blog then click on the link (below the header) that says "About Me." I have a similar post here, but I need to rework it. I do want to add that I'm actually a bit surprised by this. An avid reader with LOTS of editing experience, I've never considered myself a writer. Never liked it much. But, well, maybe I just wasn't writing about the right things ...
• My bachelor's degree ~ I worked long and hard for four years to earn this degree. There's a reason the common way to say it is "earn" the degree. That is HARD work. While these days I don't do much with the degree, it's still an accomplishment of which I am quite proud.

And that's it for today. So, tell me, what are you proud of in your life? Head on over to Toddler Awesome if you wanna play along!

Monday Madness

Today has truly been one of those crazy days. I finally have some peace - Natalie's napping - and hope it stays somewhat peaceful. The morning just wore me out!

After dropping Grant off at school, Abby and I headed to my physical therapy appointment. It went pretty well. After a lengthy assessment, she gave me some exercises to try. I go back on Thursday. The appointment lasted quite long, and we barely got out on time to make it to Abby's appointment! We immediately headed to the dentist. Abby did very well with her tooth extraction. She didn't like the Novocaine shot - which I cannot blame her for! I HATE those! She did quite well, though - and seems to be just fine now. Upon inspecting the tooth (which he let her bring home for the Tooth Fairy), we can see a groove in the root of the tooth, where the permanent tooth was stuck! That tooth definitely needed to get out! Now we're just praying for quick healing!

While the morning felt crazy, the afternoon really wasn't too bad. We spent some time at the library, where I was able to sign Natalie up for some toddler story time in April. :-) Kids are in bed. I have a headache. :-( I might be going to bed early, too.

Tomorrow: I MUST pay bills. Should've done that today.

Just pitiful

We tried hard with all three kids to avoid the Linus syndrome - you know, having a blanket that must go EVERYWHERE with them! Abby and Grant went along with it, choosing something smaller (and more portable) to cling to. Natalie, however, did not cooperate.

Yesterday Natalie decided that she simply couldn't do anything without her precious blanket. While my husband makes her leave it in the crib every morning, I let her bring it downstairs. Sometimes - like yesterday - she tries to carry it with her everywhere. I say "tries" because I don't let her leave the house with it. And sometimes - again, like yesterday - she protests. Usually she just throws a fit and cries for about 5 minutes or so. Not yesterday. She threw a fit in the kitchen and refused to cooperate as I was trying to get everyone into the car. So, I forced her through the door (gently of course), after which point she relented and walked to the car without more fussing. This was in the morning, when dropping Abby off at school.

About 30 minutes later it was time to bring Grant to school. Natalie again attempted to bring the blanket. There was another fit. Again she refused to leave the house willingly. As I'm (again, gently) dragging her out the door, I asked "Do we really need to do this again?" Her response: "Yes" in the most pitiful voice I've ever heard! LMAO I couldn't help but crack up. And, yes, this occurred one more time when it was time to pick Grant up - complete with the pitiful "Yes" when asked if we really had to do that again! LOL

Natalie is such a character. All three of my kiddos are. But, I wouldn't change them - or my life with them - for anything. God has blessed me beyond my greatest hopes!

Freedom In Christ

I recently received a Tweet wherein someone called the idea of true freedom being found through Jesus ironic. I responded, asking why she thought that. Her response (in summary) was questioning how there's freedom in following a bunch of rules out of an ancient book - or something like that. Anyway, I've been pondering that for quite some time now. How do you explain the freedom found in Christ to someone who hasn't experienced that freedom? Better yet (or should I say worse?), how do you explain that to someone who clearly doesn't even believe and who considers the Bible merely ancient literature? I asked some of my friends over on FROGs how one goes about tackling this, and the responses I got where interesting. Some were that there are rules in all facets of life - just being part of society, there are rules to follow. One I got was a reminder that in the Bible it says that the Truth is foolishness to those who don't believe - or something like that. So, to me, that means we might have better luck explaining this freedom to the walls.

I think I have been pondering this subconsciously (incubation is one of my FAVORITE tricks the human brain has mastered) for a couple of weeks now. While I still don't have an idea how to explain or describe this amazing freedom, I did have a bit of a breakthrough regarding rules in general.

I know that the familial relationship mirrors that of the God/Man relationship. We have the Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Ghost), which is represented by the marriage (God, Husband, Wife) - all three separate but the same. Then we have mankind (God's children, all created by Him) and Earthly children (a product of the marriage, created by Husband and Wife). The connection between the two doesn't stop there. Now that I am a parent, I can see that so much more clearly than ever before.

God gives us rules, just as we give our children rules. God does everything He can to train us, just as we do our very best to train our children to survive - hoping they do more than that, and THRIVE - in this world. This is not done to spoil our fun or to take advantage of us, just as we don't give our children rules to be mean or ruthless dictators. No. We give our children rules and teach our children the way we do because we love them and we want to protect them. THAT is why God gave us all those rules in that old book! These rules aren't to spoil our fun. They aren't to control us. They aren't to deprive us of living life to the fullest. Rather, they ARE in place to protect us. Because He is God, He knows what certain actions and choices can cause to happen. He knows all about cause and effect - and He knows how best to avoid the less-desirable effects by not committing certain causes. We, too, try to keep our children from experiencing the less-positive side of life by teaching them and giving them rules.

Once these rules are broken, oftentimes the effect cannot be stopped. While someone might be able to get away with something for a time, wrongdoing always comes to light - ALWAYS. It might take years, it might take decades, it might even take a lifetime, but it WILL come to light. Heck, sometimes some wrongs aren't discovered until after someone passes. I don't know why the discrepancy for who and what gets found out when, but I do know that everything becomes known. Everything. Often, the effects of such acts are punishment in and of themselves. So, while people might think God is punishing someone, chances are they're reaping the results of some past action. I think mistakes our kids make also sometimes are best punished by letting the consequences be what they are - to ignore the temptation to shelter them from the consequences of their actions. For me, it goes against everything inside me to let my child suffer even the slightest, but how will they learn if they never see what happens next?

Back to my original thought. Freedom in Christ. Knowing that God has these rules in place to protect me makes it a LOT easier for me to follow these rules. Just as I know better than my kids in many cases where experience is the best teacher, God knows better than I do in EVERYTHING. Perhaps I should be a model of obedience for my children to follow? Perhaps if I can show them that while I believe myself to be intelligent and a decent human being, I know God's knowledge and understanding surpass mine, then somehow I can use that to reach them. Maybe I can explain my obedience and choices to them in a way that they will understand, using this analogy. Clearly, this is something that will have to wait until they are older, as I doubt a preschooler and a toddler can grasp this concept. I'm not so sure my first-grader could, either. But, perhaps if I start to SHOW them what true obedience is now, it'll be an easier lesson to teach when they're older. Something tells me there's only one way to find out, and that is by doing.

How does all of this make me free in Christ? (Man, I'm good at tangents, aren't I?) Well, if I follow the code of conduct (for lack of a better term) He has given me, then I am free! I'm free from the consequences of poor choices. I am free from the wages of sin if I live a life following the example set by Him. I am free from everything that comes with not following His will: pain, suffering, loss - the list goes on and on. If I can figure out how to get my flesh in line with my heart and my spirit, I've got it made! I can live a truly free life! And if not, well, hey - at least I know I'll be COMPLETELY free in the afterlife!

What's with the Guilt?

Mommy Guilt. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. I just wanna know: What's up with that? I mean, why do we feel guilty for everything and nothing all at once? Why is it that being a mom seems to make one a guilt magnet?

Example: I have three kids and I worry about equal treatment - as much as is possible, as perfectly equal is not. Individuals can't be treated exactly the same simply because they aren't the same. That said, I still find myself feeling guilty over just about anything. The latest is pictures, of all things! When Abby was born, I was diligent about having pictures taken at regular intervals. I started at 6 weeks (figuring her hospital pics were good enough for newborn), then 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, 18 months, 24 months, and annually after that. When school started, we just started relying on those for her annual individual shots. For Grant, I was pretty good about sticking to that schedule. There might have been some slight variation - like 19 months instead of 18 months - but I still did a pretty good job. Poor sweet Natalie, however, is getting the short end of the annual-pictures stick! Long story short: I missed her 18-month pictures! My husband was gone to Fargo for 30 days when she hit that milestone, and I just never got around to it. And now, she's 21 months - three months from her 24-month pictures. I feel bad - and I am sure this will be a source of regret at times in the future. We do take pictures of her at home, but not nearly as much as we did Abby - or Grant. Poor kid is getting the classic third-born treatment!

Why do I feel so friggin' guilty about this? I mean, seriously! It's not like it's a life-or-death thing! And it's not like she hasn't gotten treatment the others missed out on! For one, we take lots of videos of her - something we didn't do with Abby very much at all, simply for lack of the requisite equipment. Same for Grant. Plus, I worked full time, so I missed a lot of what I've taken video of with Natalie. And then Grant got more ultrasounds (prior to birth) than the girls. Poor Abby didn't get any - our insurance wouldn't pay for it! Natalie got the standard mid-point ultrasound. Grant, however, got two in-depth sonograms. Poor Abby, when we showed her Natalie's pictures, asked about hers from when she was still "in Mommy's tummy." The disappointment on her face brought on major Mommy Guilt! I found myself wishing we'd gotten one - but that would've cost us $300 or more! We didn't really have that to spare.

All of this to illustrate the things over which I tend to struggle with feeling guilty over. There are many more that come and go, depending on what we're dealing with and how I'm feeling, but those are the major ones right now. It's annoying, to say the least. There are times I get down on myself because of this stuff, but then I remind myself that these aren't major issues. Overall, we do a good job (I think) with our kids. We love them; we take good care of them; and we do our very best to make sure we do right by them. Still, there's always something that brings on the guilt. Why is that?

How about you? Do you suffer from Mommy Guilt? If so, what brings it on for you? If not, how do you manage to keep it away?

Friend Makin' Monday

It's that time again! While I've fallen behind on almost all other aspects of my goals with my blog, I have managed to remember Friend Makin' Monday! That's just how much I enjoy it, I guess! LOL Kasey over at All That Is Good made the theme for this the five senses. List five things for each of the five senses - for you love, and one you don't. So, here are mine:

Sight
Love:
1. My husband. He's a hottie, if I don't say so myself! ;-) (The fact that we haven't seen each other since April 2 probably has nothing to do with this being the first thing to come to mind! LOL)
2. Beautiful sunsets.
3. My kids' smiling faces.
4. Purple. In case you couldn't tell, it's my favorite color!
Don't:
1. Snakes. I'm pretty sure it's a bona fide phobia. I can't even handle things that resemble snakes or could (out of the corner of my eye, perhaps) be mistaken for one! Example: I wouldn't let my husband purchase a green or black garden hose!

Smell
Love:
1. Lilacs. They are by far my favorite flower, because of their beautiful scent.
2. My husband. I just love his scent.
3. Rain in the spring - especially right before the rain starts to fall.
4. Baking bread.
Don't:
1. Vomit. I'll take the nastiest stinky diapers any day. Just don't make me handle vomit - I'll just add to it!

Touch
Love:
1. Zeus, my gray cat. His fur is the softest fur I've ever felt on a REAL cat.
2. My husband's freshly shaved face.
3. Hugs from my kids.
4. Massage. LOVE it!
Don't:
1. Raw meat.

Taste
Like:
1. Chocolate and peanut butter. Especially Hershey's or Nestle Crunch dipped in Jif!
2. White cake batter.
3. Sharp cheddar cheese. I have no idea why, but I LOVE it. Can't get enough!
4. Alaskan king crab legs. I don't get them very often at all, but I SAVOR them when I do!
Don't:
1. There are so many, many things I don't like. I'm picky - and it sucks. Top of the list: tomatoes - they make me gag!

Sound
Like:
1. Thunder.
2. My children's laughter.
3. Music. I like a wide, wide range. From classical to Christian rock and everything in between. Current favorites include Skillet, Jars of Clay, Swan Lake, and Evanescence. I'm also a HUGE fan of movie soundtracks, such as Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, and other such theatrical scores!
4. Cats purring.
Don't:
1. My kids crying or whining.

This list was actually hard for me to come up with. It required me to actually THINK about this, rather than just noting it when I come across it! LOL But, it's fun! So, please, share yours! I can't wait to see what your list is! :-)

One week down ...

... three left to go. And I'm EXHAUSTED! But, I think - I hope - the hardest week is coming to an end. Spring break. Thanks to the hospitality of my parents, we were able to really have a nice week. We came to see them Wednesday afternoon, and will leave tomorrow after lunch. The time here has been great - time to hang out, stay out of each others' hair, time to be with family. The kids have thoroughly enjoyed getting to play with their cousins every day, and I have enjoyed getting to see my sister and my parents. (The only thing missing is my other sister, who lives on the East Coast.) Today we dyed Easter eggs with the kids. This was the first time any of my kids got to do it. Abby and Grant both really loved it. We had some leftover color tablets, which I will bring home and use in a couple of weeks. An easy thing to do to have more fun with the kiddos. Tomorrow we have our Easter celebration with family, including an egg hunt, then we head home after lunch. I have mixed feelings about that. It'll be so nice to be in my own home - not to be living out of a suitcase anymore. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed, and get the kids back into their usual routine. But, I'm going to miss my family - and being home again. I also don't necessarily look forward to having to deal with the dog again. *sigh*

I do have to say that I think I'm much more homesick than I'd thought. In the past there have been things about coming home that I haven't liked - mainly the congestion. Too many people everywhere - too many cars on the roads. But, none of that bothered me this week. None of it. I just kept thinking how good it is to be home! And it really is. It breaks my heart to know that the chances of coming back permanently are slim to none. I truly think I'd be happier here. I'd be able to get back with most of my friends. Go to places I miss. And, best of all, see my family more often than a few times per year. *sigh* I just need to think about what it is that we have going well for us there that we likely wouldn't have here.

Things to like about where we live:

• I get to be a SAHM.
• We own a house. I don't think we'd be able to do that here - especially not without me working.
• We have EXCELLENT caregivers for our children and ourselves. Our pediatrician, for one, is someone I'd hate to have to try to replace. And, God forbid, if he ever chose to move on, we at least have a wonderful practice from which to choose a replacement. But, I banish such thoughts, as I really don't wanna see that happen. My doctors, our dentists, eye doctor. Everyone. They are all quality professionals who have good bedside manner, too. That bedside manner is what I'd miss. I know there are quality professionals here, too, but I never had such awesome bedside manner here.
• Lighter traffic.
• Many things that can't be found easily here usually aren't so hard to get where we live.
• The river.
• Cost of living is significantly lower.
• Our kids were born where we live.
• Car insurance is considerably cheaper - as is homeowner's insurance, I'm sure.
• We can live a slower, more relaxed lifestyle - and there's definitely something to be said for that.

Well, I'm feeling a ton better! :-) What a great idea that was! ;-)

As I mentioned before, my wonderful husband gets home three weeks from today. Believe me, I am counting down. I started counting down before he left! LOL I'm hoping that once we get back into our usual routine, I'll not be so tired and we'll be able to make it without much stress. And I'm rambling. Sorry. I'm exhausted beyond belief.

Pardon My Dust

This blog is currently under construction.

The kids and I haven't been feeling well, so I went to bed early last night. I didn't get my blog updated as I'd hoped before going to bed. I am now working on it. But, of course, this means regular interruptions. So, I'll consider it a victory if I get it done today! I will, of course, post an update when it's finished. Thanks for understanding!

What a Day

I think I've used this title before! LOL But, man, has it been one heck of a day. For starters, my husband left today for a 30-day civilian deployment. He works for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, and has "volunteered" to go to Fargo, North Dakota, to help because of the flooding up there. "Volunteered" is a tricky word. It means he elected to go - not that he's a volunteer. He's getting paid - and there's lots of extra money, which is why he goes. I "let" him go, because I know these deployments are extremely helpful in allowing me to SAH with the kiddos. Anyway, he originally was supposed to take off around 11:30 this morning. But, there was an administrative mix-up (that's putting it nicely), and he had to go on a later flight. He took off around 2:30 instead. So, there was madness and craziness with that.

I took Abby to get a haircut at 10:30. I take her to a place for kids called Cookie Cutters.We love this place, and our stylist. They are totally focused on kids. They even have a slide inside for kids who are waiting! It's great. Well, usually, anyway. I had to take all three kids because of DH's issues with the travel orders. He had to go into the office to straighten it all out. When we got there, all three kids started playing on the slide. It's kinda high, but all three have been on it before, so I kinda let my guard down a little. While getting Abby situated for her haircut, Natalie must've fallen off the stairs to the slide. The very top is a few feet off the ground. I don't think she fell off the top - I think it was lower down. But, she fell nonetheless. I didn't see it, and felt horrible about that. She had a red mark on her forehead. I got her a sucker to help settle her down, and she snuggled with me and ate her sucker. She tried to run around with it, but I wouldn't let her, of course.

When we got home, she still had her sucker. I put her in her booster seat at the table so she wouldn't try to take off with the sucker. After about 10 minutes, she starts screaming. I gave her some water, she calmed down. I start making lunch, and she starts screaming again. I figured she was hungry, so I went ahead and fed the kids. She took a couple of bites of her food, and then cried and cried. It was really not like her, so I talked to DH and we decided that I needed to call the pediatrician just to be safe. I put her down for a nap first, as she was nearly falling asleep in my arms.

After leaving a message, I started to put Grant down for his nap. During that, DH came in with Natalie in his arms. He said I need to take her to the ER. He spoke with our pediatrician, who gave him a list of things to look for. After they hung up, Natalie started vomiting - and that was one of the red flags. So, we called the ped's office again, and they said just to go to the ER. So, to the ER we went.

At the ER we talked to a few people - triage nurse, other nurse, physician's assistant, doctor, etc. During our talk with the PA, Natalie threw up again - this time all over me, of course. So, they gave her some Zofran to stop the vomiting and some Tylenol with Codene to help make her feel better and make her drowsy for the CT scan. She did very well for that, and really all three kids did wonderfully the whole time. Finally, we got the results - everything is perfect! PHEW! What a relief!

The PA said that sometimes if the brain gets jostled enough all of those symptoms show up even though there's no major damage or anything. She also said that it's possible that Natalie had a very mild concussion that doesn't show anything on the scan. Natalie is fine, can eat and play however she wants, and we have nothing to be worried about. She does have a prescription for the Zofran, so I gave her some before bed. I'm praying she sleeps well tonight - that all of us do!

We spent a total of about 3 hours at the ER. Thankfully, I was able to find a vending machine so I could give my hungry babies a snack, and they had the TV tuned to PBS Kids.

During this time, DH headed off to Fargo. It sucks - we didn't really get to say good-bye. None of us really did! :-( He was very worried - and concerned that maybe he should have stayed home. I told him that he did the right thing. I called him when we got home. (I will say that this made me wish I still had a cell phone. So, I might be rethinking this no-cell thing soon!)

Never Saw It Coming

It's amazing how having babies changes your life - or at least how it changed my life. I'm not talking about the stuff like years of being sleep-deprived, suddenly loving driving a mini-van, having leftover baby fat, or other typical - and somewhat expected - changes. I'm talking other things. Things I never in a million years saw coming.

Seven years ago (I say seven because six years ago I was pregnant with Abby and the changes were under way), I was so different it's amazing. Well, not just me - my life. My husband and I had some close friends with whom we'd stay up into the wee hours of the morning playing games and just hanging out. (We still have those friends, but they moved to another state and we don't see or hear from them much.) Oh, yeah, and I worked second shift as a copy editor - a job I generally hated. I hated reading all those boring news stories, then having to write headlines. I think I've mentioned before that I'm not very good at that - and knowing that made it all the worse, especially when TPTB like puns. I hate punny headlines - so overused - and I could never write them. Well, not never, per say, just VERY rarely!

Seven years ago we had a nice house (we still live in it) with new carpeting and a dinky garage we were hoping to replace in the near future. That garage was so small that one of my sisters thought it was a shed the first time she saw it! LOL Pathetic - and, really, that's all it was worth. We could barely fit a Dodge NEON in it, let alone anything else! In that house, we had one cat and were planning to get another one - we ended up with two more. The first cat, Shadow, was our "first baby" - as I'd referred to her many times. She was a sweet cat, and was my pet before DH and I were married. So, naturally, she was part of the package - marry me, marry my cat. And I was one of those people who doted on her cat. I bought her birthday and Christmas presents (and presents from her for DH) and loved her to pieces. All that despite the fact that she was literbox-challenged to the worst degree. She would NOT pee in a litterbox to save her life. She had had a couple of UTIs, but even healthy she flat out REFUSED to pee in the litterbox. Thankfully, she did at least poop in there, but the pee's almost worse. The smell - and the fact that it's next to impossible to get out! Let's just say I wish we'd gotten rid of her long before we did. It was heartbreaking to do so - she's such a people kitty and really was my furbaby. We gave her to my ILs, who were planning to keep her outside. She's disappeared. :-( I feel guilty - a tiny bit - but less so than I did a couple of years ago. Anyway, what compelled me to get rid of her was - you guessed it - the kids. I was pregnant with Grant when finally I'd had it. I was ready to let her go. By that point, we already had Zeus and Huckleberry - angels compared to Shadow. Well, unless Huckleberry's antics were bothersome - he'd attack the toilet paper, shredding an entire brand-new role when we weren't looking. He'd done plenty of other things, but that's the one that most sticks out in my mind. I think what Dh and I referred to as "the voices" would tell him to do it. Either that or the toilet paper was taunting him! We'll never know, but - thankfully - he has out grown that. My point is I was one of those people who doted on her pets. Loved them and even referred to them as her babies. Until I had babies. Poor cats were forced to take a back seat when Abby was born. I still tried to give them attention and whatnot, but they definitely became second-class citizens. That's something I'd NEVER thought would happen.

Between Grant and Natalie we got a puppy. I don't know WHAT possessed me, as it was my idea. And, yes, I'm still kicking myself for that one! Grant was 6 months old when Sawyer was born - on Abby's third birthday. He was about 8 months when we brought Sawyer home. The cute thing is they are like buddies. They're growing up together, sorta. It's neat to see their bond. Anyway, Sawyer is a PITA. Now, I grew up with cats. So, perhaps part of the problem is this dog is much needier than any cat I'd ever had. I'm sure I'd have enjoyed him more if we'd gotten him before kids. Now, he's just extra work - an extra kid, if you will. But not an extra kid - they trump him. ALWAYS. I found myself thinking of him today as just a dog, and all of the pets in this house as "just animals." GASP! That's what prompted this post. It made me realize just how much kids change things you never see coming!

I had more on my mind, but it's gone. Maybe having to write between feeding the kids, letting the dog out, and other things is to blame! LOL Yeah, that's it! ;-)

We made it!

DH got home yesterday! :-) His flight ended up delayed by about a total of an hour - not too bad, especially not when flying out of ORD (more commonly known as O'Hare). The kids and I picked him up at the airport. We got there as his plane was landing, and could see it taxiing to the gate. By the time we got settled in the waiting area just outside the security checkpoint, DH was coming down the hallway. I saw him and asked Abby who that was. She took off running "Daddy" - and Grant followed suit. Natalie had to be brought over to him - she was too distracted by the new surroundings to notice people! LOL When she first saw him, she hesitated a little. But once he spoke to her, she came running! It was so sweet! She clearly missed him much more than I'd realized. She was big-time clingy with him last night, and still some today. She's more animated and just doing better overall. It's amazing the difference. She hadn't acted all that different during his absence, so I really thought she was somewhat indifferent.

Me? I must've been running on adrenaline while he was gone - once he was home, I just got DEAD tired! I couldn't believe it! LOL I had to take a nap this afternoon, too. I have been just so very tired. Must be the adrenaline crash! He's super tired, too - falling asleep on the couch since about 7:30! LOL But, he worked almost constantly, so it's not unexpected.

Well, in my super-tired state, I'm feeling not too eloquent right now. So, I'm gonna jet - maybe go to bed early. Night, night (to quote Natalie)!

It's All Downhill from Here ...

... or so they say. The halfway point of DH's time away has been reached and passed. Two weeks from now he will be HOME. :-) December 6 cannot come fast enough! I will say that overall this has gone better than I'd expected. The kiddos are generally doing great, and I'm holding up better than before - maybe that's because I'm not pregnant this time! LOL I just miss HIM. His companionship. His hug. His voice - which sounds different IRL than over the phone! ;-) His smell. His smile. Two weeks - I can do this. Really. I can. Plus, my mom's coming out in a few days to be here for a few days - including Thanksgiving. So, that'll help. I'll finally have some much-needed adult company! And maybe, just MAYBE she'll let me get away - even if it's just to run to Panera and get a chai tea latte. Here's hoping! ;-) Anyway, we are over the hump. We're closer to the end than to the beginning. It feels SO GOOD! Oh, Lord, please help these two weeks fly by - and me to make it through with my sanity in tact - or at least what's left of my sanity! ;-)

Thanksgiving will be weird this year. DH and I haven't ever been apart for Thanksgiving in I don't know how long. This is our ninth Thanksgiving since we were married, and I know we'd spent a couple together prior to our marriage, too. So, it's been 10+ years since we last were apart for a major holiday! I really don't think it'll feel like Thanksgiving. Not even with a meal. But, we'll do our best.

What I haven't decided is whether to get the Christmas stuff down Friday like we normally would do or wait until he's home. Maybe it'll depend on how my back feels - and how heavy everything is! Perhaps I should ask him about it - that might be a good idea. Yes, I will tomorrow - assuming I remember.

Well, I think I'm gonna head to bed early. Grant was up around 5:30 this morning, and wouldn't go back to sleep. So, I am exhausted. Night, night!

Happy Hump Day!

Yes, I know, it's not Wednesday. But, it's still hump day - and, no, I'm not being dirty! LOL Today is the midway point of DH's absence. We've reached the hump - it's all downhill from here! :-) In some ways, it's energizing. In others, it's EXHAUSTING. But, I'm excited. Two weeks from TOMORROW, he comes HOME! :-) I'm so excited. It's odd, but I think I've missed him even more this time - which I so didn't expect. The other times I was pregnant, and I thought my hormones made it worse. But, perhaps this time it's b/c I don't work. It's me and the kids, day in and day out. Always. No breaks for me, unless right now counts, but even then I have to be ready in case I'm needed. I miss his companionship more than I have in the past. I'm sure our new situation accounts for that. But, I'm not complaining - especially with Thanksgiving being a few days away. My mom is coming out - and probably bringing my niece and nephew - so that'll keep us busy. Hopefully the time will FLY! Abby only has 2 and a half days of school. Part of me wishes she was off all week, but I know it's better NOT that way - we clash way too much! LOL

On a completely unrelated note, I decided I wanted a more seasonal template. So, I found a Christmas/winter one. It was so hard to choose! I again went with Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates - I just LOVE her stuff! She recently released her seasonal templates, so I decided to switch. She does an absolutely lovely job!

I have another post I want to write - about my faith. But, it'll have to wait until I'm not falling asleep at the keyboard! ;-) That said, I gotta get to sleep. I'll write more tomorrow.

Day 7: Blah!

I feel like writing, but don't know what to say. I hate when that happens! But, today's been awful for me. I think a large part of it is PMS. Add that to DH being gone and me getting very little adult interaction over the last week and you get what I've been today. My poor kids. I am seriously considering begging my mom and/or sister to come out this weekend!

On a brighter note, I got a very welcome tidbit of good news this morning. DH e-mailed me to tell me that he was off in his calculation of when he comes back - instead of December 7, he'll be home December 6! WOOHOO! Let me tell you - he totally made my day! I was so happy, and I just keep focusing on that. Most of the time.

I'm exhausted, but my hair's still wet from my shower an hour ago and I don't want to look too funny in the morning. *sigh* I'm currently doing a product study for some shampoo, and I'm LOVING this stuff - much more than I'd expected. It's really helping my curls do their thing! :-) EVEN WITHOUT CONDITIONER! That's the amazing part, at least in my eyes. I'll share more about the test somewhere down the road. I'm sworn to secrecy for any product tests and/or surveys in which I participate. I'm not sure when I can talk, but I'm sure once I see the product in question on the store shelf it's likely safe! ;-)

Well, I've run out of coherent thoughts, so I'll go for now. Maybe tomorrow I can post more when I'm actually feeling somewhat cognizant! LOL

For Crying Out Loud ~ Day 6

I woke this morning to find dog puke in two places in the kitchen. Nice. Good morning to me! At first I thought it was puke in one spot and shit in another, but cleaning up set me straight. It smelled like vomit. That's quite the interesting pile of doggy vomit, that's for sure. And it's enough to kill the breakfast appetite! That is for sure! Yuck. Now Scooba is running, and so far not getting the worse of the two puke spots. Of course! Scooba just might have to do double duty today.

Aside from that, the morning actually went pretty well. I got Abby to school on time for the first bell, which is a first for me I think! LOL Then I took the other two shopping for groceries. It went pretty well - Grant is definitely a morning person. There's no doubt about that. I've never had him so well-behaved in a store before! (Note to self: Always go as early in the morning as possible if Grant's coming!) There's the added bonus of not many people being there yet - that always helps expedite the trip. Plus, shelves were almost fully stocked throughout the store. Nice. Of course, I forgot to grab a frozen pizza, but oh, well. I remembered all of the milk I needed to get - and with three different kinds to get (skim for me, 2% for the kids, whole for the baby) that's quite a feat! ;-)

Well, Scooba needs some attention. So, I'm gonna get going. Plus, Abby gets off school in 30 minutes. Time to start changing diapers in preparation!