The End is Near

No, I'm not getting cryptic or preachy! LOL I'm just excited. We're in the home stretch - the last week of DH's time away! Saturday cannot come soon enough, let me tell you! I'm exhausted. Worn out to the bone - of course, Natalie not sleeping well last night doesn't help any. I am so ready for someone else to entertain the kids. So ready for some help around the house. And, most importantly, so ready to have HIM home again! Lord, make this week FLY by, PLEASE! Of course, I'd like to get the house cleaned up - a LOT before his return - and the kids are grumbling about that. Did I expect anything different? No, not really! LOL

I'm hoping that once he's back, I'll be able to get back into the blog-improvement challenge, of which I'd spoken before. I'm also hoping to get some much-needed rest. But, he'll be tired, too. So, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. C'mon Saturday! Get here FAST!

Happy New Year!

I cannot believe that 2008 is now a mere memory and 2009 is upon us! Wow, that happened fast! A year ago I had a 2-month-old baby and was just beginning my stint as a stay-at-home mom. Abby was in her last year of preschool before starting Kindergarten in August. Grant has grown from a 2-year-old toddler to a talking, running, reasoning 3-year old. Natalie, well, she's gone from newborn to full-fledged toddler - they go through so many changes that first year or so that it's impossible to catalog it all! Me? I dunno - I've continued to slowly lose the baby weight. Slowly. I weaned Natalie about a month ago, so hopefully more weight will come of quickly! DH - well, he's working. He spent 30 days in Austin, TX, for work - working with FEMA in the aftermath of Hurricane Ike. It was all about the money - that's a lot of OT and extra cash. And we desperately needed it. In fact, I suspect he'll be doing it somewhat regularly (not necessarily Austin - wherever there's need) to help make it possible for me to continue to SAH. Oh, and he had his vasectomy - no more surprise babies for us! ;-)

So, what are my hopes for this year? That's a very good question.

• Lose weight - at the very least get to my pre-Natalie weight. That's a start. I eventually want to get to my pre-Abby weight, but that's 60 lbs away, so I'm not kidding myself that it'll happen this year!
• Get off the Zoloft - I've been on it for three years in February. I didn't get to wean off after weaning Grant like I'd wanted b/c I got knocked up. Now that there's no chance of that, I wanna get off it. Natalie's weaned, so the only thing working against me is possible PMS issues. But, I don't wanna be on the Zoloft forever!
• Be a better housekeeper
• Stop spending and help us get out of debt. Don't know how yet, but stopping spending is a first BIG step! ;-)
• Get back in the habit of attending church regularly.

I'm sure there are more things I'd like to change, but really having too many goals can set one up for failure. I already might be setting the bar too high. Time will only tell. That said, HAPPY 2009! I wish you all many blessings and much happiness this year!

We made it!

DH got home yesterday! :-) His flight ended up delayed by about a total of an hour - not too bad, especially not when flying out of ORD (more commonly known as O'Hare). The kids and I picked him up at the airport. We got there as his plane was landing, and could see it taxiing to the gate. By the time we got settled in the waiting area just outside the security checkpoint, DH was coming down the hallway. I saw him and asked Abby who that was. She took off running "Daddy" - and Grant followed suit. Natalie had to be brought over to him - she was too distracted by the new surroundings to notice people! LOL When she first saw him, she hesitated a little. But once he spoke to her, she came running! It was so sweet! She clearly missed him much more than I'd realized. She was big-time clingy with him last night, and still some today. She's more animated and just doing better overall. It's amazing the difference. She hadn't acted all that different during his absence, so I really thought she was somewhat indifferent.

Me? I must've been running on adrenaline while he was gone - once he was home, I just got DEAD tired! I couldn't believe it! LOL I had to take a nap this afternoon, too. I have been just so very tired. Must be the adrenaline crash! He's super tired, too - falling asleep on the couch since about 7:30! LOL But, he worked almost constantly, so it's not unexpected.

Well, in my super-tired state, I'm feeling not too eloquent right now. So, I'm gonna jet - maybe go to bed early. Night, night (to quote Natalie)!

The Home Stretch!

That's right. We're about to enter the FINAL week of DH's deployment! :-D A week from this very moment, he will be HOME. I cannot wait! I pray this last week flies by, as I am so ready for him to be home. He said today he's finally getting tired of living out of a suitcase and not being home. Saturday, December 6, cannot come fast enough! I had to get groceries today, and I picked up some things that he typically uses and I don't so that we have them when he comes. (I'm hoping that was my last trip while he's away. I also hope I have enough diapers for this week - I'm pretty sure I do.) He gets home about 2:30-ish in the afternoon, so the kids and I will pick him up at the airport. I'm so excited about that. I remember when he went on his first deployment - a little over three years ago. Abby and I picked him up, and were walking from the baggage claim area to the waiting area. He turned round the corner into the hallway, and Abby was so excited! She screamed "Daddy" and took off running to him. It was so sweet (and a little funny, as she had been eating some fruit snacks and left a little trail behind her LOL)! It's definitely a memory I'll cherish. I can't remember if we picked him up last time - I think we did, but clearly it wasn't quite as sweet! LOL I'm hoping this time he'll have all three of 'em running to him. We've talked using Gmail's video chat, and they just LOVE getting to see him while talking! Even Natalie - who shies away from the phone - loved it. She was blowing him kisses - very sweet. Anyway, we're entering the home stretch of being without DH. C'mon, Saturday - GET HERE ALREADY! ;-)

It's All Downhill from Here ...

... or so they say. The halfway point of DH's time away has been reached and passed. Two weeks from now he will be HOME. :-) December 6 cannot come fast enough! I will say that overall this has gone better than I'd expected. The kiddos are generally doing great, and I'm holding up better than before - maybe that's because I'm not pregnant this time! LOL I just miss HIM. His companionship. His hug. His voice - which sounds different IRL than over the phone! ;-) His smell. His smile. Two weeks - I can do this. Really. I can. Plus, my mom's coming out in a few days to be here for a few days - including Thanksgiving. So, that'll help. I'll finally have some much-needed adult company! And maybe, just MAYBE she'll let me get away - even if it's just to run to Panera and get a chai tea latte. Here's hoping! ;-) Anyway, we are over the hump. We're closer to the end than to the beginning. It feels SO GOOD! Oh, Lord, please help these two weeks fly by - and me to make it through with my sanity in tact - or at least what's left of my sanity! ;-)

Thanksgiving will be weird this year. DH and I haven't ever been apart for Thanksgiving in I don't know how long. This is our ninth Thanksgiving since we were married, and I know we'd spent a couple together prior to our marriage, too. So, it's been 10+ years since we last were apart for a major holiday! I really don't think it'll feel like Thanksgiving. Not even with a meal. But, we'll do our best.

What I haven't decided is whether to get the Christmas stuff down Friday like we normally would do or wait until he's home. Maybe it'll depend on how my back feels - and how heavy everything is! Perhaps I should ask him about it - that might be a good idea. Yes, I will tomorrow - assuming I remember.

Well, I think I'm gonna head to bed early. Grant was up around 5:30 this morning, and wouldn't go back to sleep. So, I am exhausted. Night, night!

Happy Hump Day!

Yes, I know, it's not Wednesday. But, it's still hump day - and, no, I'm not being dirty! LOL Today is the midway point of DH's absence. We've reached the hump - it's all downhill from here! :-) In some ways, it's energizing. In others, it's EXHAUSTING. But, I'm excited. Two weeks from TOMORROW, he comes HOME! :-) I'm so excited. It's odd, but I think I've missed him even more this time - which I so didn't expect. The other times I was pregnant, and I thought my hormones made it worse. But, perhaps this time it's b/c I don't work. It's me and the kids, day in and day out. Always. No breaks for me, unless right now counts, but even then I have to be ready in case I'm needed. I miss his companionship more than I have in the past. I'm sure our new situation accounts for that. But, I'm not complaining - especially with Thanksgiving being a few days away. My mom is coming out - and probably bringing my niece and nephew - so that'll keep us busy. Hopefully the time will FLY! Abby only has 2 and a half days of school. Part of me wishes she was off all week, but I know it's better NOT that way - we clash way too much! LOL

On a completely unrelated note, I decided I wanted a more seasonal template. So, I found a Christmas/winter one. It was so hard to choose! I again went with Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates - I just LOVE her stuff! She recently released her seasonal templates, so I decided to switch. She does an absolutely lovely job!

I have another post I want to write - about my faith. But, it'll have to wait until I'm not falling asleep at the keyboard! ;-) That said, I gotta get to sleep. I'll write more tomorrow.

Day 7: Blah!

I feel like writing, but don't know what to say. I hate when that happens! But, today's been awful for me. I think a large part of it is PMS. Add that to DH being gone and me getting very little adult interaction over the last week and you get what I've been today. My poor kids. I am seriously considering begging my mom and/or sister to come out this weekend!

On a brighter note, I got a very welcome tidbit of good news this morning. DH e-mailed me to tell me that he was off in his calculation of when he comes back - instead of December 7, he'll be home December 6! WOOHOO! Let me tell you - he totally made my day! I was so happy, and I just keep focusing on that. Most of the time.

I'm exhausted, but my hair's still wet from my shower an hour ago and I don't want to look too funny in the morning. *sigh* I'm currently doing a product study for some shampoo, and I'm LOVING this stuff - much more than I'd expected. It's really helping my curls do their thing! :-) EVEN WITHOUT CONDITIONER! That's the amazing part, at least in my eyes. I'll share more about the test somewhere down the road. I'm sworn to secrecy for any product tests and/or surveys in which I participate. I'm not sure when I can talk, but I'm sure once I see the product in question on the store shelf it's likely safe! ;-)

Well, I've run out of coherent thoughts, so I'll go for now. Maybe tomorrow I can post more when I'm actually feeling somewhat cognizant! LOL

Day 5

Seriously? Only? We have 25 days still to go? Man, this time is creeping by slowly!

I had a ton I wanted to say about an hour or so ago, but - of course - could not get here to write until now. So, I've lost most of it. But, as I type, Grant is supposed to be lying down on the couch. He and Abby AGAIN were bouncing off the walls a little while ago. This is deja-vu, as Sunday night was like this. Why is it only school nights when they pull this shit? I love my kids ... I love my kids ... I love my kids.

OK. The boy is now in bed. Heads will roll, should they start screwing around again tonight!

Today wasn't nearly as bad as the weekend was. Thank God Abby had school yesterday! It'll be a lifesaver this time around, I am quite certain! Poor kid is having a bit of a hard time with her daddy gone, so I'm trying not to be too rough on her. But, I'm also not going to cut her too much slack. You know kids - you give 'em an inch ...

I have so much to do right now it's not funny. I don't like being the only person around to do stuff. But I think that's the lazy side of me. The other side of me thrives under these circumstances. It's fulfilling to get everything done that needs to be done. Even stupid things like taking out the trash. Of course, that could be in part b/c I finally get an opportunity to get rid of a bunch of crap DH had been letting pile up in the garage! But, that was yesterday. Today I have dishes - again. Thankfully, we have a dishwasher, so that means I need to empty, load, and start it up. Not too bad - not even when it's on a daily basis. But, I'll do it tomorrow. (LOL No, I'm not going to say that tomorrow, too!) Today has been nuts, and I need some downtime. I also need sleep. See why I'll do it tomorrow? ;-) I did get a small package to send to DH ready to go. After dropping Abby off at school, the other two and I will be heading to the grocery store. Milk - it's always about the milk! Either after that or before we pick up Abby (or maybe immediately after - it all depends on Grant and Natalie), we'll mail the package. He forgot something, and Abby wanted to send him a couple of things. He's also getting a bunch of candy! LOL

I gotta sit down and look at the checkbook. I've no idea where we're at right now, but my brain is mush. The good thing is with Abby gone, I can get more done during the day. Natalie sleeps all morning, and Grant's pretty easily occupied. So, I can get the dishes and maybe even checkbook taken care of after shopping. I just gotta get us ready to go before I go to bed - make my list, find any coupons I have, put my reusable bags where I won't forget them, etc.

I must say, though, that I did get a TON of stuff done today, not the least of it is finally getting the clean clothes put away - on time to start laundry again in a couple of days! LOL I also got the drawer under Natalie's crib back in place. A couple of months ago, Abby jumped on it while it was open. DH and I could NOT get it back in, so it had been placed under the crib, out of the way of walking feet. Today I decided it was enough. It'd be a PITA to have to deal with that next time I change Natalie's sheets. Plus, I was tired of not using the drawer! We paid for the damn thing. I had better get full use out of it! ;-) I'm not entirely sure how I got it in, but I did. I cleared plenty of room for me to work at getting it back in place. I said a quick prayer "Lord, please help me get this thing back in its place" - or something to that effect - and set to work. Once I finally got the rollers in place, I pushed until it resisted. Then I sat and pushed with my legs. That was cake - and I still can get it open. It sticks a little, but it's easily opened anyway. And, yes, I did remember to praise and thank God for that little bit of help. Proof once again that He does care about the little things, too! :-)

Well, it's getting late and I gotta prep for the morning. I also need to sleep.

No One's Dead ~ Yet

Man, I cannot wait for school tomorrow! Absolutely cannot wait! Abby had a half day Thursday, no school Friday, and DH left early Friday. It's been a long weekend, that's for sure! And they're driving me bonkers. It's been cold, so I've been dragging them around town getting Christmas shopping done to get them out of the house. Oh, my, gosh! I never want to do it that way again! I've never had them misbehave like this. Now, granted, shopping with me likely is EXTREMELY boring, but c'mon! I became one of THOSE moms - you know, the one with the out-of-control kids running through the aisles! I tried to give the kids away to passers-by, but no one wanted them. I wonder why ...

And now, I got interrupted writing this because Abby and Grant decided now would be a good time for playing - LOUDLY, I might add - in their room. Grant had already been asleep for about an hour, and Abby was apparently incapable of going to bed without him waking. Usually, he goes right back to sleep. Not tonight. So, I brought him back downstairs with me so Abby can fall asleep. She's got school tomorrow, otherwise I'd bring her back down until I'm confident Grant's asleep.

Have I mentioned how EXHAUSTED I am? I'm on Day 3 of DH being gone and have no idea how I'm gonna make it another 27 days! Well, I know how - by the grace of God. Without His help, this wouldn't work. On one hand, I'm grateful for school - gets one of the three out of my hands for a bit. (And, honestly, it's the one who tends to be the least cooperative.) On the other hand, I'm not happy about school - because it just adds to the stress. I gotta worry about getting her to bed early enough, getting her to school on time, getting back to the school on time to pick her up (which rarely allows for the other two to get decent naps), some days packing a lunch ... I figure by the time we get into a good routine DH will be home. That's typically how it goes.

Anyway, I gotta go. Dishes are calling my name. Yippee! Hopefully I can go to bed after that.

One day down ...

and 29 left to go. DH left this morning. Fortunately, his travel days are Day #1 and Day #30 of his deployment. I've spoken with him a few times today, and he made it to Austin no problem. So, all is well on that side. Tomorrow is when he starts working.

Today went pretty well, even with Abby having a day off school! :-) The morning was laid-back, with us doing not much of anything once DH left. we just hung out together and did whatever. After Grant's nap, we went to pickup my new battery for my laptop. (My previous battery had suddenly stopped charging - apparently Apple's got some sort of problem with the older batteries, b/c they sent me a new one free of charge!) It took me forever to find the damn place Apple shipped the battery to. Where I live, we have streets and avenues. The streets run north/south, and the avenues are east/west. I was thinking the Apple service shop was on 19th St. But, after driving around a bit, I figured there was no way that was possible. (Where I was driving was where the road ended by the river. It was pretty easy to tell I wasn't in the right place! LOL) Suddenly it hit me - 19th AVENUE, not street! DUH! Sure enough, they were right there - which also is closer to my house, of course! Blond moment? Perhaps - except that I'm not blond ... hmm.

After the Apple store, we (the kids and I) checked out Toys R Us. They were having a sale from 3 p.m. until 10 p.m. tonight, which also carries over into the morning tomorrow - but I don't know the hours. I have most of the kids' Christmas stuff bought AND most of Grant's b-day stuff! :-) Christmas shopping is almost done - I ordered Dh what he wanted (a new hard drive for his laptop) and purchased some stuff for my nieces and nephews last night. Now the other adults on our list are the only people left for whom we need to get something! :-)

The one downside to the new battery for the laptop is I have to calibrate it - which means I couldn't go to bed yet! :-( I forgot how long it takes and started it a couple of hours ago! DOH! LOL I should soon be able to continue the process - hopefully it'll complete most of it's stuff overnight.

I gotta get to bed. I'm too tired. So, I think I'll finish the calibration tomorrow morning. Wish me luck! ;-)

Deep Thoughts

There is so much going on in my mind right now. I don't know where to begin. Oy! I hate when this happens. I don't have writer's block - I just can't keep up with the thoughts running through this head of mine! It'll probably take me all day to write this. Between interruptions (I love my kids) and my own distraction, it's inevitable. Plus, I gotta pay the bills today. We also need to go to Sam's Club today. DH is going to be gone to Texas for 30 days for work, so I want to stock up on stuff like diapers, TP, etc. He doesn't know this yet, but I'm sure he'll understand when I talk to him about it. More on the Texas stuff later, as I don't feel like talking about that yet.

Or do I? OK. That's the easy topic, so here it goes. DH works for the Army Corps of Engineers, and has the opportunity to deploy for 30 days to help with hurricane recovery efforts in Texas. He's done this twice before - after Hurricane Katrina in LA. The good thing is it's a TON of extra money, and we REALLY need that right now. He said it looks like it'll be 11-hour days with one day off every other week, plus there are two holidays in November for which he'll get holiday pay. Not to mention working over the weekends. This is the first time he'll be gone with me NOT being pregnant! LOL The first time he was gone about three months before Grant was born. The second time he was gone about five months before Natalie was born. But, this is the first time I'm not working. It'll be me and the kids, 24/7. Thank God for school, b/c without it Abby might end up dead (more on that later). But, that means I'll have to drop her off and pick her up - every day. That'll be a HUGE disruption to our usual routine, and will necessitate an entirely new routine. But, I know we'll be fine. It'll be hard - especially since I won't have work as time away - but I know we'll be OK. God wouldn't have given me all three kids if I couldn't handle them. Plus, I think this was somewhat of a Divine appointment. Thursday, I had told DH that if he had an opportunity to go on a 30-day deployment, I'm behind him. He had been thinking of doing one, too. Yesterday he got notification that they're looking for someone. Now he's just waiting for his tasker and travel orders. I pray it comes soon, b/c I want him back for my birthday - December 12! I'm not sure what we'll do about Thanksgiving, but we'll figure it out.

Now the tricky part begins. It all started when I checked out my page on MySpace yesterday. I only get there once every month or two, and yesterday was my first time in quite a while. There was a ton of stuff on there, and getting caught up was a time-consuming venture. I knew that going into it, though. But, when I get to the blog updates, well, the one right on top says "P broke up with me" and is posted by my sister. About a year ago, my sister moved 800+ miles to be with him, and he out of the blue breaks up with her. He basically told her that he woke up one day and didn't love her anymore. Right. Asshole. Oh, yeah, and about a month ago she renewed her lease for another year, which makes it that much harder for her to come home. She's all but said that's what she wants to do. :-( My other sister and I were talking about this last night, and we are going to try to help her find a way home. Her job is another consideration, but I have no doubt that she'd be able to transfer back to her previous location without a problem. For starters, they loved her there. Plus, I've been told they're losing half their employees to a new store that's opening up. So, I think she'd have no problem on the job front. She'd likely move back in with our parents, which means she wouldn't have to pay rent or utilities. So, if worse came to worst, she could live there while paying her lease where she's at now. But that might work in her favor - I'm sure her landlord doesn't want her apartment vacant for almost a year. So, perhaps things can be worked out in her favor. I hope so. I know she needs to be home now - I can tell. When I read her blog and talk to her, I can sense it. My poor sweet sister! :-(

The only bright side to this is that it appears to be working to bring my other sister and me closer than we've been in quite some time. She and I were up late IM'ing last night, and got to talk about all sorts of things. We discussed our other sister's situation and are planning to light a fire under her ass to get her to come home. After talking about that, we discussed other things that I'm glad we did. Very personal, very old things. Family stuff, which I'm not going to share here. Probably not ever. Stuff that personal stays on Vox, where I have full control over who gets to read it. Anyway, that talking was good for us. We've not done any really substantial talk in so long. We needed that. I feel much better about our relationship now.

The flip side, though, is that it made me wonder. Without going into too much detail, I will share some of my thoughts. We discussed family stuff, which I mentioned previously. Part of what we talked about was how neither of us remembers much of our childhood at all. It's like we've got amnesia or something. We were talking about what we did remember, and I'm now wondering if things were much worse than I remember. Did I block it all out? Do I need therapy? Do I want to dig all of this up? I really don't know. To some extent it bothers me not knowing about my childhood. You know those questions people sometimes ask, like "what's your first memory?" or "what's your favorite childhood memory" or pretty much anything along those lines. Am I more fucked up than I'd ever even considered? It could explain a lot ... but, again, do I even want to go there? Maybe it's better not knowing. I guess I have a lot to consider. It won't be now, as I'll be busy enough during DH's absence for the time being. Plus, we also have to look into the financial side. Will insurance cover this? If so, how much? Do we need a referral? If not, can we even afford it? I really hate that the financial picture has to limit this. If I need therapy, I should be able to get it. But whatever. I guess for now I'll just keep on with my considerations. There's a lot to think about and a lot to consider. I suppose I should do so on my knees, too. Pray for wisdom, discernment, etc.

So, in my ponderings, I have many things I wonder. Is healing possible if you don't even know what the injury is? I'm sure superficial healing can happen, but can true - complete - healing happen when there's no idea what's the cause of any pain? I just don't know. So, I guess I'll be in prayer about this. I really can see no other way to go about this. I'm just grateful that I have the Lord to help me discern the right way to approach this.

I am running out of things to say, so I'll just stop here. I'll likely post more about this down the road. If you read it all, thanks for reading! :-)

Updating the house situation

We had the furnace looked at today. No repair was needed. Somehow the repair manual got sucked into the fan! Still had to pay the service fee, so the guy went ahead and looked over the whole thing. Bad news: he says we've got about a year left out of that thing. There's a crack between the heating element (put simply: the fire) and the blower, which is the beginning of the end. So, now DH and I are trying to decide if we want to just bite the bullet and do it this year (to take advantage of rebates from our gas/electric company as well as tax rebates) or next year. We definitely want to go high-efficiency. It's not that much more $$$ than the regular ones, and it'll save on heating bills. So, that's the news regarding the house. On a good note, the heat is functional again! Oh, and praise God that this happened this year so we weren't surprised by a broken furnace, or had problems with carbon monoxide!

In a Bad Mood

I guess. Or something. A ton of things are bothering the hell outta me right now.

Firstly, and most importantly, it's freezing. It's currently 45 degrees outside - the high is supposed to be about 64. As of about 30 minutes ago, it was 61 degrees here in the house. And, no, I cannot run the heat. I WANT to, but can't. We need to have it looked at. About a week ago, we noticed the house fan (at that point we were running the a/c - gotta love the Midwest) was making a weird noise. And DH wants it kept off to be safe. OK, I understand that - and I agree. But, the SOB FORGOT to call someone until TUESDAY morning - when I reminded him. (Nevermind he was off work last Friday and could've called no problem!) So, no one can come until TOMORROW morning! Poor kids and I are freezing. Oh, and DH is gone - he had to go for an overnight trip last night. Must be nice to NOT have to deal with this. Jackass! My poor babies! :-(

Secondly, with DH being gone today I had to drop Abby off at school. That's cool. No problem. We're running a tiny bit later than usual, but she was on time no problem. What pissed me off? On one side of the school is an alley. People drop off and pick up the kids over there all the time. I decided to go over there, b/c I could park quickly and I could watch her walk to her class. Or so I thought. But, apparently when dropping off one's kids all courtesy goes out the window. DO NOT BLOCK THE ALLEY SO NO ONE CAN GET BY! Seriously. It didn't happen just once - several people did it. I finally squeezed by some assholes to pull over and get Abby out and to the playground. And guess what, no one was stuck waiting behind my van while I did that! I just wanted to shout "Get the fuck out of my way people! In case you weren't aware, your child isn't the only child attending school today!" Idiots.

OK. I feel a little better! LOL Maybe having frozen toes feeds the foul mood?

Frustrated

I'm frustrated beyond belief. And burned out. And tired. And lonely. And trying desperately not to slip into depression - b/c I know that if I do I'm on my own. I know my friends will say I'm not alone and I have them - but not one of them is someone I've met IRL. (Well, almost none - and definitely none of my absolute closest friends.) It's not the same thing as having someone who can hug me, be here with me, literally help me through this. No one. And, no, DH isn't availible for me.

Where's DH? At work. Again - or is it still? I don't know. I know it's not his fault. With the MAJOR flooding in Iowa, he needs to work. His job requires it. And, generally speaking, this isn't something that happens all the time. So, generally speaking, this isn't an issue. (He's still not 100% there for me, but that's another post for another day.) This royally sucks. More than I'd ever expected it to. Much more. He's been deployed to Louisiana twice now, and those were easier. They really were. Sure, I was 100% on my own 24/7, and it was more work overall. But, this is so much worse. I don't know from one day to the next whether he's working late - and if so just how late. So, I don't know if I absolutely HAVE to do it all on my own or if he'll be around to help. And, I'll be horribly - or perhaps embarrassingly - honest here. I can be - or perhaps just AM - a bit on the lazy side. (I hate that about myself, but here's yet another post for yet another day.) I don't WANT to do it all, so I don't if I know there's a chance that he'll be able to help me. I do what I absolutely HAVE to and save the rest for later - when either he can watch the kids so I can do it without interruption or he can do it. So, things get let go - for instance, a sippy cup ended up with NASTY mold in it. And the mold didn't come out in the dishwasher, despite a HIGH TEMP wash, rinse, and dry. (I was able to scrub it all out/off this afternoon. Although I'm still unsure as to whether I should just throw it out ...) That's not counting the laundry that gets done when we run out of something - typically shorts and/or PJs for at least one of the kids. Oh, yes, and there's a TON of clean clothes, but not a chance to put it away without DH around. (Most of it's the kids' stuff.)

Add to all of this that during these extended hours, there is little to no contact EVERY day - most days NONE, except to call when he's on his way home. The days he does call during the day he usually either wants something or is responding to an e-mail I sent him - or he's returning a call after I left a message. And this, my friends, is why I'm feeling so lonely and just blah. (Well, the blah is a combination of it all, but I hope I'm being clear.) I see him for maybe 5 minutes every morning before he zips out the door. Before all of this flooding, he'd come home for lunch a couple of times per week - now he doesn't, unless there's something going on. (Example: Abby's b-day party at preschool was in the morning, after which she had a parent-teacher conference. DH came home so I could attend both without the other two kids in tow.) And NO phone calls during the day. We hardly have any time to be together, talk, or whatever during the very brief moments we're home together. I've always known I'm not much of a priority to him, and this just hammers that home a little bit more.

To complicate matters, I have been having some minor aches and pains that I've considered seeing my doctor about. But, well, I'm not about to take all three kids to the doctor's office with me. I don't feel like I can make an appointment right now b/c it would be an inconvenience to DH.

OK. I'm exhausted. It's still an hour or so before he's expected home, but I've little to no energy left to continue this. (It's amazing the expenditure of energy when dealing with emotional issues - is that the depression?)

Males! Need I say more?

That sums it up perfectly! Doesn't matter what the penis is attached to. To hell with it! Anything - man, child, cat, dog, etc. - with a penis is on my shit list today! (Good thing my dentist is a woman, as I have an appointment today.)

I should've known that it wouldn't be a good morning - I got to sleep in after all! Can't have my cake and eat it, too, you know! Anyway, Grant got up shortly after 7 - it's a MIRACLE! LMAO

After DH left for work, I noticed he neglected to take the trash out - something he had promised to do LAST NIGHT. Am I surprised? Not really. While everyone else in the world seems to think he's wonderful, reliable, dependable, etc., I know better. He's rarely been any of those for me. Well, I take that back - he's good at being wonderful, if you ignore the fact that I can't depend on him for much of anything. He's NOT a man of his word - at least, not for me. I'm willing to bet that at work and elsewhere he is, but not here. Don't get me started. I'll save all of that for another time. Let's just say the trash STINKS to high heaven, and it irks me to no end that he neglected to take it out - especially when I see that he added some old food from our fridge to the mess! OK, onto the rest of my morning ...

Natalie woke about when I fed Grant, so I loaded him up with cereal, fruit, and milk and let him watch TV while eating so I could get - and nurse Natalie. And what do I come back downstairs to about 20 minutes later? Kix ALL OVER THE FLOOR. He must've dumped at least half of what I gave him over the side of his tray! This is NOT the first time this has happened, nor (I am sure) will it be the last. Thank God for the Dust Buster!

Shortly after that, I get Grant down, hands washed, etc. And I go to let the dog in. I call for him. Whistle, etc. Nothing. I step farther outside and see him two yards over! So, I slip on my flip-flops, grab the leash, and head outside. And the dog is so excited to see his leash he comes no problem! LOL Stupid dog! I bring him inside, swearing to kill his sorry ass, only to find my sweet son has made his way upstairs into my bedroom. He LOVES to play with DH's alarm-clock radio! So, I get him back downstairs (crying all the way) and finally get him dressed. Kid pooped and - of course - wants to grab himself. Throws a fit because I won't let him. YOU HAVE SHIT ON YOUR BUTT, BOY! Oh, and he gets one of his feet in it. Thanks, kid! Thankfully, it was a tiny amount, and easily cleaned up. But, now he's whining for his boo-boo (more commonly known as a pacifier).

Oh, and our two cats are male - one pukes so much it's amazing he isn't emaciated and half dead! The other whines and complains constantly, despite having a bowl full of food and fresh water. Ingrate!

This just in: DH is going to have to work late AGAIN tonight. Damn flooding in Iowa! This is the third night in a row. *sigh*

Add to all of that, it's humid as heck here. So humid, I can feel my asthma acting up, and you probably could cut the air with a knife and take a bite out of it. So, I've closed all of the windows and cranked up the a/c. I don't DO humidity.

I don't particularly like how this post came out. I thought about it for a while before having an opportunity to sit and write it out. And, of course, it went much better as I rehearsed it in my head. It was much more witty and entertaining. But, of course, duty kept me from writing it out until now.

"D"H Strikes Again

Asshat. That's all I have to say. Well, no, really it's not. Where to start ...

Our son is an EARLY riser - most days is awake by 6:30. It doesn't matter what time he goes to bed. He's up EARLY. Occasionally - and this is EXTREMELY RARE - he will sleep to 7 or so. Fortunately, today was one of those rare days - both he and DD#1 woke around 7:30. On a typical day, that is HEAVEN. And it was nice today. But, I am the one getting up with DS 99% of the time. DH usually sleeps for another hour or so - EVERY SINGLE DAY, well, every week day at least PLUS at least one of the days over the weekend. So, needless to say, I'm a bit more tired than he is most of the time. He "let" me sleep in yesterday - only after I asked if he'd please get up with DS and let me sleep. DD#2, however, was up around 8. Figures. Not that 8 is bad, of course, but I was hoping it would be one of her 8:30-9 days.

This morning, as I mentioned, the older two got up around 7:30. Very nice, and I'm not complaining. DH, of course, made no move to get up. So, out of a feeling of fairness, I got up, despite being so tired I could barely muster the effort to do so. He finally saunters downstairs after #3 gets up - after 8:30. I nurse DD2 and then bring her downstairs. I told him what solids to give her for breakfast, and brought down a change of clothes for DS, who was still in his PJs. I start heading back upstairs when DH asks where I'm going. I told him back to sleep, which he says "oh, no you're not!" WTF? I could take a nap instead. OK - notice the time I'm posting this. Shortly after 2:30 in the afternoon - nap time. No, he's not sleeping. He's outside crossing one more thing off his self-written (and not at all shared with me) to-do list. SOB. So friggin' selfish - JUST LIKE HIS MOTHER. Thanks, you jackass! Anyway, I don't know why, but I listened - maybe because as a Christian I've been taught to submit. (No, he doesn't generally boss me around like that.) Or maybe it was the Holy Spirit within me or something. All I know is I'm DEAD TIRED and not really wanting to nap on the couch. So, here I sit. Knowing that the moment I lie down, one of the kids will be up and since DH is outside, I have to deal with it. (I would drop off the baby monitors outside, but he acts like I'm asking him to emasculate himself when I suggest he take sole responsibility for all three kids. SOB.)

Life sucks sometimes

I just posted a huge long post about my childhood over on Vox. So, if you're on Vox and you have access, check it out. If not, I guess you're just SOL!

And now I've forgotten what I wanted to say here. Darn kids! ;-)

Oh, yeah. The title. For once I'm glad I have to make a title! LMAO

DH is a prick. A fucking prick. At times like these, I hate him. I know, awful - and probably indicative of how immature I am. But, hey, too damn bad. That said, he's just a know-it-all prick.

We have a Roomba (love that thing) - well, two, actually. The first one never charged properly, and we thought we got a dud. I sometimes wondered if the outlet it was plugged into had something to do with it. Sometime later, we acquired our newest Roomba. We had it plugged in elsewhere and it worked great. Recently, we plugged it into the outlet we had the first one plugged into. And now, the battery won't hold a charge - same problem as the first one. I suggested to DH that the outlet might have something to do with it, and he IMMEDIATELY shoots me down. He says no, the battery's just spent. They have a limited number of charge cycles, etc. Blah, blah, blah. OK, I don't deny that could be part of it, but what about the outlet? TWO Roombas met an untimely death after being plugged into that same outlet. Sure, we have had this Roomba for a couple of years now, but it just seems too coincidental, kwim? If this happened while it was plugged into any other outlet, I'd take what DH's explanation is and agree 100%. But, I see a pattern. Sure, we've only had two Roombas, but both were plugged into that outlet. Now, the first one we never plugged in anywhere else, so it is possible that it was a dud. But, you still can't deny the similarities here. This whole thing resulted in a HUGE fight. Funny, huh?

No, it's NOT about a stupid vacuuming robot. Not at all. It's about him ALWAYS dismissing my opinions. He does this more often than not. Won't even consider my thoughts on stuff like that. Apparently he knows EVERYTHING and I'm just a stupid idiot who knows nothing. Stupid jackass! So, I'm mad - well, mad because I'm hurt. He won't even consider my thoughts b/c I haven't tested 50 Roombas to see if it really is a pattern or whatever. Stupid fucking prick. Jackass jerk. And, of course, when I try to talk to him about this, he focuses on the Roomba, not what I'm trying to explain to him. I'm trying to tell him it's not about the Roomba. It's about him making me feel like my opinions and ideas about things are nothing worth considering - like he thinks I'm stupid or something. While it's not meant to be, it's VERY hurtful. (And, yes, I'm like an injured animal - I say all sorts of things, hence what you're reading here. Better here than hurling shit at him, right?)