Monday, September 15, 2008

Feeling like the proverbial odd man (or woman) out

I gotta get something off my chest. I feel bad writing this out, but I have to. For my own sanity. I'm sure some will be pissed by what they read, but too damn bad. I'm sure people will feel like I'm just a whiny idiot. Whatever.

That, said. I will get to my point. But, first, one more thing - many of you who read this will probably know who I'm talking about. I'm not stating names, b/c I feel it's unnecessary. Not b/c people know who it is anyway, but b/c I'm not generally upset with any PEOPLE. Just the situation. Oh, and I'm not posting this on FROGs, b/c I'm trying to be sensitive to those who were unable to come. Anyway ...

This past weekend was our FROGs get-together. We had been planning it for a year or two - I can't remember when we first started discussing it. Anyway, it was held here, in my area. I didn't have to go anywhere. I was so glad, because that meant I could attend no problem. And don't get me wrong - I am EXTREMELY grateful to have been able to participate and meet these wonderful women in person. But, I'm sad. Maybe it's partially the crash after all of that excitement - kinda like after a baby's born or after Christmas. All of that anticipation and excitement and everything building up. Then it's over before you know it and you're wondering where it went. I dunno.

That said, I feel like despite being local I missed out on a lot. Natalie is still breastfeeding, which meant I was "on call" the whole weekend. Friday night DH had some football refereeing, which meant I really had to be out of most of it. The kids and I got to play at the pool in the afternoon. After that we all went to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. Because I had my three kids and no DH, I got stuck on the opposide end of the table from everyone else. I was basically at the kiddie table. La Flama (the restaurant) is not a quiet place, so I was effectively cut out from EVERYTHING going on. I sat between Grant and Natalie. Next to Grant was Abby and one other child. Across from me was an empty chair, next to which was another child. I was completely oblivious to anything that was talked about on Friday. ANYTHING. Then, I had to get my kids home so they could go to bed. So, while everyone lingered at the restaurant, I had to go. Then they all went back to the hotel and hung out at the pool. Not me. I had to be home with the kids. Apparently they all met up for breakfast in the morning, but no one bothered to let me know that was going on. So, I didn't get there until close to lunch time. And, of course, I had to leave early to nurse Natalie. DH wasn't as cooperative as I'd like, either. So, I ended up spending a couple of hours away from everyone, once again missing out on what all was going on - like praying with another FROG who couldn't be here.

At least Saturday night I was able to go to the dinner and concert with everyone. Dinner was nice, and I got to sit with adults - sorta. I still couldn't hear much of the conversation and had to tend to two of my three kids. And the concert, while fun, didn't really allow for much conversation - it's hard to talk over loud music! ;-) Afterward, everyone went back to the hotel to swim. Everyone but me - I had to help DH (who, again, wasn't as helpful as I'd have liked) get the kids to bed (Natalie had to nurse one last time, too). I finally get there, and got in. Everyone's in the hot tub. By the time I've changed and gone back to the pool area, no one's there - they've all gone outside. I didn't want to go outside. I wanted to enjoy the hot tub. I knew it was my ONLY chance to be there without the kids and fully enjoy the hot tub. So, I went in the hot tub and relaxed - while feeling a little rejected and like the odd man out, so to speak. Everyone eventually came over to the hot tub, which was good. But, it was just on top of already feeling out of touch with everyone.

Yesterday was OK. I took the kids to the pool again, and had some help dealing with them. I did get to go into the hot tub a little again - with Abby, who loves it! LOL After that we went home so I could get the kids fed and lying down for a nap. DH didn't want me to leave until he was done with that, so thanks to him I missed saying good-bye to a lot of people. (And as the kids and I were leaving, some were arriving. I didn't really say much to them, b/c I stupidly assumed I'd be back sooner than I was.) That afternoon was nice - just a few of us together. But, the other local invited the remaining out-of-towner to her house to dinner. Not me, though. So, apparently now that the FROGs weekend is over, I'm no longer wanted around. And, this local is hosting said out-of-towner tonight. Which means I'm once again not involved in anything. I had told my kids we'd get some local ice cream with our guests for snack. I don't think that'll happen - but I will make sure to take my kids for ice cream as I'd promised. I was hoping we could do dinner one last time, as she leaves EARLY tomorrow morning. But, I'm sure that won't happen - just based on how everything has been (not) working out for me.

And this other local, she's definitely a close friend. But, she's relatively new to FROGs - been with us about a year and a half now. And I have known some of these people for 5+ years! I feel like she's come in and taken my friends. I don't know that I should feel that way, but I do. Should or shouldn't doesn't matter. I do.After all, she was there for breakfast Saturday morning, and after I left with the kids Friday night, and for pretty much every moment I couldn't be there - including a time on the phone with someone who couldn't be here. And she got my friend all to herself last night and will again today. How can I not feel that way?

I don't know what else to say, so I'm gonna just stop now. I might come back more later.
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