Friday, February 26, 2010

Trying Not to Panic

I just received word from my husband that he has been officially accepted for grad school! It's something I know he's been wanting to do for quite some time, and he was finally able to get it worked out. His employer will pay for everything - including his salary while he's schooling. (Without that this wouldn't happen right now, as I'm not going back to work any time soon.)

Yes, I'm happy for him and proud of him. And, yes, I know it's a good thing and it's what needs to happen.

So, why the panic?

Because while he can do most of his work online, he is required to be on campus for at least one semester!

The school he has chosen (because of the program they offer) is 6 hours away from home.

Get it now?

Yup. And I thought his 30-day deployments were hard! Those will seem like nothing by this time next year! :-( I cannot imagine a full semester without him here! How am I going to get through it? Don't get me wrong, I know I will, but thinking about it just freaks me out right now. I was going to try to get off the Zoloft this year, but now I'm thinking maybe I'll wait. Yes, I know, it's a crutch, but with the prospect of going it alone for three months causing me near panic I don't know that I wanna fend for myself yet!

Again, I know this is what needs to happen now. I know he is following God's will by doing this. I know it's right. I know we'll be OK. But, man, does it scare me.

Plus, I can't believe I'm admitting it publicly, but there's also the fear of him being away at college for a semester - alone. Yes, I trust him - we wouldn't have recently celebrated our 11th anniversary if I didn't. But, I know sometimes people surprise you - and not in a good way.

I know that I just have to trust God. I will be prayerfully approaching the rest of this year. I need God to sustain me, but - more importantly - I also need God to be with my husband. I need Him to protect my husband in every possible way - spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually, and anything else that might need protection. Please, my dear friends, pray with me! There is strength in numbers. God says so Himself! If you are praying with me, please comment so I know. It's always comforting to know when someone's joining me in praying for things like this!

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