Friday, September 17, 2010

Tiny Update

Here I go again, ignoring this blog. I'm sorry. I have really, really overdone it with Proud Book Nerd. Too much to read in too little time. Then I added Blogmania to the mix, which I stupidly forgot to mention here. Sorry, friends! :-( On top of all of that, I've had sick kids, who decided to share their germs with me. I was VERY ill for a couple of days this week. And, the icing on the cake, I somehow (don't ask how, as I don't know how) managed to injure my right wrist. (Thank God I'm a lefty!) I've seen my chiro, who has found one of the little bones out of place. It has been popped back into place, and is healing. It feels MUCH better, but is still sore. I wear a brace on my wrist most of the time. I'm doing much better, but this situation makes typing a bit tough.

That's my excuse ...

Anyway, I'm hoping to get this blog in on a holiday giveaway (similar to Blogmania) in December. Something fun. I haven't heard back yet, though, as to my status. If not this, then the book blog, but I'd rather here. Share the love! ;-)

Me, personally, I'm overall OK, despite what I mentioned above. While sick, I missed two days of the Zoloft, then briefly considered never looking back. But I'm not ready for that yet. I have decided that I need therapy. Now I am overwhelmed by the task of trying to find a therapist. It is IMPERATIVE that this person is also a Christian. I have to have someone with similar beliefs to my own. That's not negotiable. Otherwise, I dunno. I think I'd prefer a woman, but I'm not entirely sure. Anyone with advice on finding a good therapist? I think I'm gonna call or e-mail my church and ask for referrals or recommendations, and go from there. Anyone with a better idea?

Why do I want therapy? Well, there's a lot on my mind. A lot more stress than I think I even let myself realize on a conscious level, if that makes any sense. Add to that, I have past stuff that just needs to get worked through. I don't remember a vast majority of my childhood, and what little I do remember is fuzzy. There has to be a reason for it. Based on what I do remember, I think I spent a large part of my childhood depressed. There was a lot of loss, much more than most kids have to deal with, and I took it hard. Perhaps there's more to the memory loss than I know, but that's the reason for therapy. It's like an infection under the skin. It's going to fester and affect me, whether I can see it or not. While the process is painful, it's best I get to the source of the issues I have in my life. Once I get to the junk beneath the surface, then true healing can occur. How can I give it all to God if I don't even know what it is I'm carrying? How can I forgive others, if the need is there, if I don't know what needs to be forgiven? I think this might also help with the whole weight-loss issue. And my self-esteem – or lack thereof.

And now my injured wrist is starting to ache. Better stop typing. Love to you all! I have some plans for this blog – the direction I want it to take. I just have to heal (the aforementioned wrist) and make time (the aforementioned book blog). While I have little control over the former, I'll do what I can about the latter!
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