Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A to Z Challenge: J

J = Jesus

This is an easy one. You see, I'm a born-again Christian. Have been for as long as I can remember. Jesus is everything to me. He means the world to me. I'd like to say that I'd give up everything for Him. I pray I'm never tested on that, though! ;-)

As a Christian, I am not perfect. I make mistakes, I sin – often willingly. Hey, I'm human, too. One of my worst habits is having a foul mouth. Sometimes, nothing feels quite as good as a well-placed F-bomb. I don't use that word lightly, but sometimes I feel it's warranted – I use it for emphasis. Or I'm just pissed and it comes out without my thinking about it. One thing I do NOT say, however, is the Lord's name in vain. If I type OMG, I'm saying Oh My Gosh! And I never, EVER say Jesus' name unless it's in reference TO Him or directed AT Him. I can handle most swearing, most crass language – even the use of "God" as an explanation. (Although I don't like it.) But, when Jesus/Jesus Christ/Christ is used as an expletive, that really, really, REALLY bothers me. I guess you could say it grieves my spirit  – BIG time. I hate it, really hate it. It is very rare that anyone says it in my presence, and I am glad for that. I want to speak up, ask the person to stop. But I'm too chickenshit to actually say anything. I wish I was stronger. I wish I cared a LOT less what others thought about me. I wish I wasn't such a chickenshit about stuff like this. Why can't I stand up for what I believe in? Why can't I ask people NOT to say that around me? I mean, most people are decent and would probably try to accommodate me in this. It's odd to me, how much it bothers me. It really, really does, though. It's like a punch to the gut. And often I can't take the disgust – or at least shock – off my face when that happens. I hate it. Hate it.

Maybe one day God will give me the strength, resolve – or whatever it is I need – to be able to speak up. Tell my friends, or whoever it is, that enough is enough. Jesus might not be real to YOU, but He is very real to me. He is the Lover of My Soul. My Lord. My King. My everything. Please, please, PLEASE respect that.

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